Lead me back to your heart
by Sandrasandrah
Summary: Based off CP Coulter's story. Yeah, I know I write a lot of Jogan but they are lovely together. I'm not saying anything else. Don't want to spoil it. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Hello again :) I know I haven't post in a while here and I'm truly sorry about that. Anyway, I hope this kinda makes up for everything._

_I've been struggling a lot whether or not leave it as a one shot or do it a multi-chapter and__ my lovely beta readers (thank you girls) already told me their opinion. So I'm doing it._

_Once again (I will never get tired of this), sorry for my lame-ass english. _

_Oh! And I want to thank mostly two songs for this: Breakeven-The Script, and another one in spanish that I'm not sure if you'd get it but it's Parte de este juego-Gianmarco_

_Ok, enjoy? I'm not sure if that's what I want you to do but...you know...uh...read it._

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><p>Logan Wright couldn't sleep. How could he? So much stress at work, so many troubles with his father, so much loneliness.<p>

Oh, the fucking loneliness.

He never let anyone get into his life after he graduated. He just needed contact once in a while; casual flings, that's it. Why more? Besides, with all the hours he spent at work he didn't have time to pretend that he cared about anyone else. He rubbed his eyes and began to check his e-mails on his Blackberry: Work mail, work mail, work mail, scrolled down, work mail, spam, work mail, Katherine's hundredth invitation to The Hamptons (ugh, he was getting sick of Katherine, why did his father have to get rid of Michelle?), work, work, spam, and…

He frowned and clicked on the bold words that read _Dalton Academy. Subject: Former Student's Reunion. _The mail opened and started to read it. _'Dear Dalton family: It's a pleasure to greet you all…_blah blah…_lunch on Saturday the 16__th__ to join us…_blah blah blah…_hope to see you…_blah blah blah…_please send a reply with your name on it to confirm your assistance. Write your name down on the year you graduated and send it back to…_blah blah…blah…

So he was curious. He scrolled down until he found his year and started reading some familiar names. Saturday the 16th was…well, was today actually. Whatever –he wasn't going anyway, he was too tired.

_Julian Larson-Armstrong_

"Jules?" he frowned at the name. That was a surprise, Julian swore on the last day of school that he will never set a foot on Dalton again.

Among other things.

He touched his lips softly, like he was feeling everything all over again –like he was feeling _him_ all over again. His kisses, his soft moans, the flirty looks they'd shared, the endless nights talking that led to a sleepy, grumpy Julian the next morning blaming Logan for being such a girl who loved to talk about his feelings…

He remembered their first time together. He remembered that afternoon by the fireplace when Julian slipped an 'I love you' and he couldn't help but to say it back. That warmth on his eyes, on his smile, on his long fingers caressing his nude back every night… He remembered the constant teasing which always ended up on bed or in the nearest closet. The way they hugged, like they were afraid of letting go; the way how he felt chills every time Julian's breath met his skin; how he always bit his lip to turn Logan on; how he actually looked like a cat when he stretched every morning and Logan took him by the waist and kissed the back of his neck slowly, as he knew he liked it.

And then he remembered how fucked up everything ended.

_13:00 hrs… _he checked his watch. He had nine hours to take a shower, change, drive to Westerville and think all the way through what he would say to Julian when he saw him again. For the first time in ten years.

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><p>Even the grass looked the same. Nothing had changed: Dalton still had that majestic sight Logan always appreciated. He went down the stony stairs towards the Main Garden and looked around. <em>Where is he? <em>He checked his watch again, 01:05. _Yes, of course, _Julian was never on time. He loved to make people wait for him (it was one of the greatest pleasures of being a superstar) when it wasn't anything work-related. How many times did they argue about that? Logan Wright, the guy who was always on time, punctual, irritated when people made him wait, sighed and walked through the tables trying to find someone he knew and not look awkward in a corner waiting for Julian.

But, suddenly, he saw him.

Thirty feet away for him, standing all alone looking bored and sleepy, was the actor. Logan felt a knot in his stomach at his sight: he hadn't change a bit. Well, sure, he was ten years older but, occasionally, Logan saw him on a magazine or in the news and smiled. He didn't care about what he was talking or with whom he had been spotted on. He didn't even care about all the gossips and news towards him. He just looked at him and began to remember.

Began to wonder…

…How would their lives have been if things hadn't ended that night.

The blond took a deep breath and walked towards the actor, every step closer was more excited than the one before. He tried not to smile broadly, not to scare the guy in front of him, but when brown eyes met green, all Logan saw was utter horror. Julian's body tensed, his eyes opened widely and almost choked with his own saliva.

_What the hell? Logan? What is he doing here? _The blond was closer. His eyes were set on him, like a target. _No, he didn't confirm the fucking invitation. You can't come without confirming the invitation! Argh! Jesus fuck, he always does whatever he wants to do!_

"Jules" he smiled softly hiding his excitement. If he hadn't run yet maybe it was because they could still have a chance.

"It's Julian" he snapped out, pressing his lips. Logan was amused, he seemed so…so…so scared, so upset, so in the urge to vanish…

But, at the same time, in the urge to jump to his arms.

"What are you doing here? You didn't respond the mail…you're not supposed to be here"

Logan frowned slightly and tilted his head "If I'd answered… would that make a difference?"

A pause.

"I wouldn't have come"

Words hurt but Julian's look broke his heart. _Oh…_He was being serious. His eyes were begging him to go. _Again._

"So…" the taller guy lowered his head. He couldn't keep watching Julian's hateful eyes. They were cruel, like trying to hurt him, to make him cry (he wouldn't cry, he never cries). After all those years, his eyes kept that same look: hate and pain mixed in a pair of big brown eyes that were full of love at one time. What had he done? He swore one night when they were watching movies in the common room and Julian fall asleep on his chest that he would never hurt him. _Never_.

He was such a failure. He couldn't keep his word. Not even to the person he had loved the most.

_Loves the most._

But that was it.

He hated him.

He cleared his throat "…how have you been?"

Julian opened his mouth to snap an answer but he couldn't make it. An excited and hurried voice came from a side.

"I know, I know. You wanted vodka but I refuse to put up with you being drunk all day" the one talking handed Julian a hot beverage but the two guys kept staring at each other "Here. Coffee. Please be awake"

Logan blinked and looked to the person between the two of them.

And he was surprised.

He was truly surprised.

A woman, almost same size as Julian, was smiling widely looking at the actor. Julian lowered his head to stare deeply at the cup of coffee and mouthed a 'thank you'. The woman looked at Logan and her smile grew even more. White, pearly teeth appeared while intense green eyes lighted her face.

"Julian!" she exclaimed in content "Hi!" she stretched her hand to Logan which he contemplated hesitantly "Oh my God, Jul! Would you please introduce us?"

The actor almost choked with the coffee and decided to leave it on a close table before talking "Yeah…" he cleared his throat loudly "Marianne, this is Logan Wright" the woman's smile was getting bigger, her hand still extended with pride "Logan, this is Marianne. My wife"

_Wife._

_Wife._

_His…wife?_

Logan shook his head and smiled politely at Marianne shaking her hand and stopping to see the wedding ring she was wearing. He raised his glance and met Julian's icy look. He frowned in concern. _What's going on? How could he be married to…to…to Marianne? What the hell? She looks so arrogant and dominant, and too fucking excited for every-fucking-thing!_

"So, Logan, are you and my husband friends from school?"

And she hadn't heard of him? Did Julian have never talk to her about him? They were boyfriends! Okay, maybe you don't want to talk about that with your wife but they were best friends before that! They were…they –What was going on?

"No" Julian instantly answered. Marianne's smile became uncomfortable "I mean…we were on the same year but…"

"Oh!" the woman started to play with her long, blonde hair tied up on a pony tail "Okay, I see"

_Jules, what are you doing?_

_Why are you acting like this?_

His green eyes darkened with sadness but he couldn't help to keep staring at Julian.

_Come on Logan, just go. Go, please go._

"Oh! Now I remember!" Oh my God woman, shut up "You're that Senator's son, Logan Wright" _Marianne is just like Sherlock freaking Holmes _"yes, of course!" The fake huge smile again "Oh, here's something funny" Logan felt another knot in his stomach when he saw Marianne's hands grabbing Julian's arm "Logan is also the name of our son!"

The brunet swallowed and raised an eyebrow, daring him. Hating him. _Come on Wright, go away_. He was trying to hurt him. He only wanted to hurt him and Marianne had helped him; and he loved Marianne, and he loved Logan, and he hated Logan. Just to provoke him pain, he only wanted that.

And he succeeded.

Logan furrowed his brow and nodded like an idiot. He should probably go. This wasn't a good idea at all. They were hopeless. It was hopeless, why bother? He was married with stupid Marianne and had a family now.

The woman laughed "I think I have a picture with me" She started to look in her purse while both guys were exchanging looks: one hating, one aching. "Yes! Oh, he is such a sweetheart!" he handed the picture to Logan who took it after a long consideration.

Little Logan.

Brown oak hair like his father, thin pink lips giving the camera a Cheshire cat smile.

And eyes…the eyes of his mother. Intense green eyes, huge, curious, familiar…

Because he had the same green color as…

As…

"Oh. He's…" What could he say? Logan gave the picture back to the proud mom and smiled sadly at the couple. Marianne didn't notice it, but Julian did and clenched his jaw "Congratulations"

"So…Logan…" she smirked, Logan felt he had seen that same smirk in someone else "any kid of your own?" her eyes got bigger. How great were her ideas? "We could set a play date or something!"

Logan sighed and shook his head "No. No kids, just me" he smiled softly.

Marianne bit her lip embarrassed and whispered a 'sorry' with an apologetic look.

"Just you, huh?" Julian raised his eyebrow and smirked proudly "No other guy in your life?"

His wife elbowed him and smiled –once again –at the other blond.

"One" he answered faking a smile while talking "He's married though"

Julian swallowed slowly. _Don't do this, Lo. Please don't open your mouth and do this to me again. I can't…I'm not falling for you again. I'm not hurting myself again_. Finally, the brown eyes showed sorrow. His heart was beating faster, just like that time ten years ago.

"Logan!" Marianne laughed amused "If I've learned something about the Hollywood life is that it doesn't matter!"

Two pair of eyes set on her "Marianne, you're talking nonsense" Julian hurried to speak "Come on. Let's go" he grabbed her arm and tried to walk away but his wife refused.

"Come on, Jul" _Jul…Jul is not even a real nickname! _"I mean, I'm lucky to have someone like you but we both know that sometimes people marry the wrong person" Logan laughed -_yes Marianne, you are so right about that_- and looked at her intensely "Remember Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Of course, they look nice and they cared about the other but then Angie came and BAM!" she clapped her hands so hard that made Julian jumped a little "They're still together after all this years"

Marianne got closer to Logan and gave him an authentic smile; her eyes were full of hope and romanticism "A wedding ring in the wrong finger is not a wedding ring" she winked.

_Wise annoying little bitch Marianne_. Logan smiled at her and eyed Julian for a couple of seconds. He looked scared.

"I don't think he'll like it though"

The Main Garden was getting crowded, tables continued to get filled with people. The noise in Dalton was getting unbearable; they'd hired a DJ that kept playing awful loudly music but the three of them seemed to be immunes to it.

"Come on Marianne" he glared at Logan "We're leaving"

"But we just get here Julian!" the woman frowned extremely upset with her husband "Besides, I was talking to Logan over here" that annoyingly huge smile again.

"I don't feel well. Maybe is the jet-lag. Besides, Logan is all alone with the nanny in the cabin and I promised him we'll go to the zoo later"

His wife sighed and rolled her eyes at the other blond "What Logan wants, Logan gets" she kissed the taller guy on the cheek "You have no idea how much Julian loves him. He spoils him too much I'm afraid" a final smile before she walked away holding her husband's arm tightly. Logan saw them leave and it hurt. It really hurt, but he couldn't help to smirk.

_Yeah…_

Maybe he needed to stick around for a while.

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><p><em>AN: So? Yeah? No? What do you guys think? Reviews would be lovely. I'm always happy to know what do you think. (Oh, and thank you for reading it. I love you all)<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: . everyone. I usually don't take too long to update a chapter and I am so sorry about that! You'll see...Writer's block could be a pain in the ass some times..._

_But, anyway, I'll make it up for you. I'm updating two chapters now (and I have another one, which would be..chapter..4? yeah, chapter 4 but I'm not sure if it¡s ready yet. Final cuts and everything...)_

_So. About this chapter. I'm not saying much because there's not much to say. It is, as my betas called it, a "bridge" chapter. I thought I have to write this to explain some things that had happened and that WILL happen in a near future...so maybe that's because you might get the feeling that it's not happening very much in here. Maybe that's just me...whatever. I'm posting the third one in a bit :) thanks for the patience!_

_And, by the way, Julian and Logan belong to CP Coulter, the others are mine :D_

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><p>The door of the chalet opened.<p>

"Logan, we're here!"

Marianne sighed and dropped her purse on a beige couch of the wide living room. They had troubles finding some place nice to stay for their weekend in Ohio –not because there weren't any but because the two of them wanted something different (being the two of them Logan and Marianne, Julian just wanted to see his son happy). Finally, they decided to check into a chalet complex near by the Hoover Reservoir. It was quiet, peaceful and far –way too far –from Dalton. That's the only thing the actor had in mind: wherever they go, they will not staying closer to his former school.

Too many memories.

"You've been quiet all the way back here" Julian kept walking looking around for his son "More than usual" Marianne mumbled.

"Logan? Logan, where are you?"

"Jul! Don't ignore me!" the actor began to walk to his son's room –nothing. Marianne frowned and followed him "Julian Larson, I am talking!" _Well, shut up! _"Are you mad because of what I said to Logan about marriage?"

Julian stood still for a while. _I am furious_. He turned around to look at his wife and raised his arms in desperation "I mean… What the hell Marianne?" the blonde was caught off guard and took a step back from her husband "Why did you say that? Does marriage mean nothing to you? What were you thinking?"

Marianne smiled softly after a while and closed the distance between them "Oh, Jul!" she tried to hug him but the actor shoved her away. Marianne frowned "Julian come on! It's not a big deal" Julian scoffed in response "Besides, you are my Brad and I am Angie, remember?" she grinned.

"Not a big-?" The brunet clenched his jaw. _God, why did I marry this woman? _"You can't say those things. Not in front of Logan Wright!"

The blonde rolled her green piercing eyes "Why? Do you think Mr. Senator' son would think shit about us, about our marriage?" Julian couldn't handle it anymore. He walked away, maybe Logan was playing in the woods with the nanny "Julian, I know that image is everything to you but, come on, it's just one silly person!" she laughed.

"It's not just one silly person" Julian narrowed his eyes and yelled "IT'S LOGAN WRIGHT, MARIANNE! You have no idea how he is."

A pause. "I thought neither do you" She crossed her arms and cocked a suspicious eyebrow. Julian swallowed slowly "I thought you weren't friends"

"I don't need to be his friend to know that" he muttered making fists "Besides, you can't just…encourage someone to break a family apart"

"Okay, you know what?" she took her husband by the arm to turn him around. Her gaze was intense; she'd had enough "I said it, deal with it"

And before Julian could reply to his wife the sound of hurried feet interrupted them. A childish voice came from the door yelling "Daddy!" and running towards him with his arms already raised and wide opened. Julian's face changed in a bit and got on his knees to lift little Logan up "Hey Lo!" he grinned widely. Marianne rolled her eyes and huffed, she hated when Julian left her at the middle of a discussion "Are you ready for the zoo?" he opened his eyes in excitement and his son copied him grinning "Zoo!" the little boy screamed hugging Julian's neck tightly "Can we see the lions, daddy?"

"Of course you can sweetheart" Marianne pinched his cheek with a huge smile "But first give mommy a hug" She opened her arms and Logan leaned in to her giving her a wet kiss on the cheek.

Julian waited patiently and greeted Dana when she entered the living room with some toys Logan had left outside "Did you miss mommy?" He heard his wife ask and the little boy nodded looking at her intensely. For a four year-old he could get a lot with just a look "Are you coming with daddy and I to the zoo?" the kid was too excited that he was unconsciously kicking his mother's belly. Marianne stared at him for a moment and then looked at Julian who just raised an eyebrow expectantly "Uhm, I don't think so sweetheart" she put Logan on the floor and smiled at him tenderly "Mommy is tired from the flight, but you go with daddy and then you tell me all about it, okay?"

Logan kissed his mother goodbye and then ran towards his dad dragging him across the living room "Come on daddy, I wanna see the lions!"

It was always that way: the very same beginning and the very same ending every single time. She knew it. She always knew that she couldn't compete with her son. Julian would always put Logan before anything else and, who could blame him? Marianne also adored Logan, he was her son: he was part of their family. But the love that Julian gave him wasn't equivalent to anything else. She tried to understand why and she came out with the idea that it was maybe because Julian was a celebrity since he was a child. His parents were divorced and the two of them were very important people in the entertainment industry. They barely had time to raise Julian properly and, she thanked those psychology classes at college to figure that out, he didn't want that for his son.

But it was so annoying to leave an argument unsolved. It was so annoying to let Julian get his way. It was so damn annoying not to hear an apology from him! And now she was in the freaking woods, in the middle of nowhere-Ohio and alone. All her friends decided to do a shopping-trip to New York that weekend but no, she decided to be a good wife for a change and be there for her Jul. She could travel to NY whenever she wanted to, but when Julian got the invitation one month ago she knew what she had to do. She decided to surprise her husband and responded the e-mail in Julian's name. She got the three of them (and Dana, Logan's beloved nanny) flying tickets to Ohio and they would stay there. She was thinking…a Hilton, maybe a Marriott. Did the Ritz have a building there? Whatever, she would get Carmen to make the arrangements. If Julian stared in silence at that invitation for at least fifteen minutes when he received it maybe it was because he was nostalgic but he didn't want to make a big deal about it.

She was such a good wife.

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><p>"…And here are your keys. You will find an extra copy next to the phone in your room, just in case. The bellboy will help you with your-" The petite ginger laughed nervously and made eye contact with the man in front of the counter for just a second "Right. You don't have luggage" The man nodded smiling "So," she cleared her throat. She couldn't believe it. First Julian Larson checked in and now that incredibly hot blond guy too? When did Ohio get so interesting? "If there's anything else I can do for you Mr. Wright, I…"<p>

Logan chuckled charmingly and leaned into the counter staring at her hazel eyes intensely "That's alright, I can take it from here" the younger girl giggled and bit her lip while watching –_staring at_- Logan walking away.

And then she saw how a woman stopped Mr. Wright before he could leave the lobby. She seemed pretty darn excited.

"Logan? Is that you?" _Damn, this woman again _"Oh my God, what are the odds!" Her big green eyes were almost popping out of her face. Logan forced his lips to give her a smile and nodded pretending excitement.

"Hi Marianne. Yeah, I'm…" Logan scratched his head at Marianne's expectant look. He chuckled "This is truly a surprise"

"Oh, but what a wonderful surprise! This is great, now I don't have to be here all by myself! I can talk with you!" she grinned.

_The hell you are. _"By yourself? Where's Julian?"

Marianne rolled her eyes in content "He and Logan went to the zoo for the afternoon. They should be back soon, I guess" Logan nodded and waited for Marianne to continue. She just couldn't be quiet for a moment, could she? "Oh, this is lovely, Logan! I know you and my husband weren't exactly friends at school but I bet you two would get along quickly." She winked at him "Say…would you join us for dinner?"

Logan laughed uncomfortable. _Yeah, I'm sure Jules would be delighted_. "I'm afraid I have to pass. I have some work to do"

"Oh, that's too bad" she was actually upset, Logan smiled "I was hoping you could meet our son," she bit her lip innocently "_our _Logan" And the blond man's heart started cracking.

_Their Logan. Yes, of course_. _Not ours, theirs._ He couldn't have that. Not with Julian, not anymore.

But if John Logan Wright wants something he will find the way to have it. No matter how much Julian seemed to hate him right now. There was something…he couldn't put a finger on it but there was. Something was telling him that Julian hadn't forgotten him. That all his hate was because somewhere deep inside he still had feelings for him. He didn't know what or why, but he was staying to find it out.

Because, then again –and Julian never got tired of saying this when they were boyfriends (_boyfriends_) –he was a 'giant squid of ignorance'.

"Well," the woman sighed shaking her head and grinning again "tomorrow maybe? I have to admit, I'm not much of an outdoor person but Julian actually picked a really nice place to stay" Logan snapped out of his thoughts and looked around. The place was really magical "Jul's agent" _again with the freaking Jul!_ "chose the place for us and apparently Julian came here before" She took a deep, excited, breath "When he was at Dalton, I mean. It was like a motel, or a bunch of cabins or something. It took him a while but he remembered something about this place that made him smile-"

And Marianne's voice started to feel far away. Like an obnoxious echo. Logan looked outside. _Wait a minute…_ The place didn't seem familiar to him but… _Jules here, when? _Marianne kept talking but Logan was too busy forcing his mind to remember something –anything. _He couldn't come by himself, he…_

"Anyway" the blonde somehow managed to catch Logan's attention with her powerful voice "It was nice to talk to you. I'll see you later?" Logan nodded and stood still for a while, watching her go. Nothing seemed familiar. Julian hated the woods. When? How? With whom?

Eventually, he'd find out.

He just needed to make Julian talk to him.

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><p><em>AN: As I said, bridge chapter. Hang on, I'm updating the third one which -I think- it's what we're all waiting for.<em>

_PS: I need to say this. So sorry about the english. It sucks :D_


	3. Chapter 3

When Julian pulled out the car it was already dark. Logan had had a blast in the zoo jumping up and down, pointing with excitement to his father every single animal he could see. And what a blast, as soon as they got into the car, little Logan had fallen asleep on the passenger seat hugging his brand new lion stuffed animal and drooling all over it.

But that was three hours ago.

So, for three hours Julian had drove anywhere he could think of. With the car in utter silence he had the chance to think better. No, he couldn't run away now –he was married. It wasn't that easy, when things got complicated with Marianne he just couldn't disappear. He had an obligation, a family, _a son. _He just drove in circles by the Hoover Reservoir slowly, in silence, until Logan moaned uncomfortable and Julian started to feel bad for his son. He couldn't drag him into his own troubles, it wasn't fair.

He opened slowly the door of the chalet with Logan hanged on his neck and walked towards his son's room. When the little boy was already tucked in his bed with his pajamas and his new favorite toy by his side, Julian kissed him softly and turned off the light. Okay then, time to deal with Marianne.

Oddly enough, Marianne was already in bed reading her Danielle Steel novel completely serene. When Julian walked in, she raised her gaze and followed every step he made.

"How was the Zoo?" she asked with a clearly annoyed tone in her voice

"Okay"

"How was Logan?"

"Fine" he pulled off his jacket throwing it on an armchair next to the window.

Marianne rolled her eyes and flipped a page which almost ripped it off by her passive fury. She pressed her lips and took a deep breath "I ran into Logan at the lobby" Julian looked at her curious "Not _Logan_" she scoffed. Sometimes Julian couldn't think clearly as she often did "Logan! Logan Wright, the guy you won't let me talk to in your reunion!" she retorted bitterly now pretending to be focused on her book.

Luckily she didn't saw Julian's body froze in horror. _What in hell is she talking about? That can't be right_. He blinked and swallowed slowly, clearing his throat "Is –Is he here?"

"Yeah, he was checking in when I found him" The blonde dropped her book and glared at her husband "Are we seriously not talking about what happened?"

Julian was trying to breathe calmly at the sudden news "I think we're done with that subject"

"I think we're not" she stood up from their bed and crossed her arms by her chest "I think you owe me an apology" Julian narrowed his eyes in disbelief "You always overreact. _Always_. It's not a big deal, Julian! Even Logan seemed to have forgotten about it!"

_Oh my God. And they've talked? _"Yeah. Okay, you know what?" he was getting tired of the same song, he was getting tired of _her _"I'm sorry. I overreacted, I tend to do it. I'm sorry. I'm melodramatic, obviously not too _cool _as you with the marriage thing. I'm insensitive and a primadonna and –"

"Woah, Julian!" Marianne looked at him as he was insane "I never said those things and… _primadonna_? I've never call you that, why do you -?"

Great. Just what he was looking for "I'm going for a walk" He cut her off grabbing his coat once again. His wife agreed and frowned in concern. Julian was a troubled guy, she knew that, but this was getting ridiculous. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go to Ohio in the first place. He was all grumpy since they arrived and it wasn't just the lack of sleep. Marianne may not know him very well because Julian wasn't exactly an open book but she could see some things, and that was one of them.

* * *

><p>Julian walked furiously towards the traced path with his gaze fixed in one chalet and one chalet only. When he was at the front door he knocked as a maniac. The light of the living room turned on and from the window a tall figure appeared worried. When he saw who was it he opened the door upset.<p>

"Jesus Jules, you scared the sh-"

"What the hell are you doing?" the brunet cut him off coldly

Logan frowned "I was trying to work until –"

"Cut the crap, Wright. I mean here. What the hell are you doing here" he muttered.

"I-"

"Stalking doesn't suit you Logan"

The blond smiled innocently after a short pause "Hey, I was just trying to work. If there's someone stalking here that would be you" he leaned with a smirk towards the actor "How do you know this is my chalet, anyway?" Julian clenched his fists and took a deep, raging breath. He may or may have not stormed into the lobby asking –screaming- for Logan Wright's chalet number and then left with the same wrath. The employees were truly puzzled after that scene "Ah!" his smirk became an arrogant smile "Wanna come in?" he left the door open and walked towards a three-body couch on the living room, sitting there. Julian stayed in the door frame closing his eyes, counting to ten. Logan watched him amused.

"You hate the woods" the actor snapped.

"No, _you _hate the woods. Remember that time we went camping?"

And Julian fell directly into his game "You wanted to check into a motel"

"That's 'cause you were complaining a lot" Julian huffed. At least they were talking, they were talking about _them_. Logan just needed to push a bit more "And we found one and we started laughing in our room and we made love that night, remember?" his green eyes softened, watching Julian's body froze "Do you…do you remember?"

The brunet shook his head and looked down "Go away Wright"

"No" he stood up and began walking towards the actor. When he was close enough, Julian raised his gaze "Do you remember that time, Jules. Yes or no"

Julian pressed his lips and gathered all his courage to nod "Yes." But things won't end the way Logan wanted to. "Oh!" he pretended excitement, "And remember that time in senior year when you broke my heart?"

Silence.

Not even the cold wind or the trees were making any sound. Julian kept smiling mischievously, eyes full of hate. Logan dropped his smile "Go home Logan, you're just hurting yourself" he turned around to walk away triumphantly when he heard a low whisper.

"No" Julian stood still, closing his eyes. _Just go. I don't want to keep hurting you_. _I'm not that strong Lo, please_. "No, I can live with that. I'm used to hurt myself, remember?" he could picture him smiling sadly at his last statement "I'm staying. I'm staying for that night and for many other nights that we spent together. I'm staying because no matter how much you hated me that time when I convinced you to go camping we end up having –making love. Ugh, okay" he lifted his hands in surrender, who was he kidding with the cheesy words "we fucked. We fucked that night like crazy. We were so tired after it but it felt nice" _He broke your heart. He broke your heart. He broke your heart. He broke your heart. Don't fall for his shit Julian. Don't do that again. You hate him. You really hate him_. "It was freaking awesome to wake up and be surrounded by nature in a stupid woodened room. I mean, it's like –"

Logan started to feel a bit anxious with his speech and the fact that Julian hadn't turned around again to face him. At some point he started to feel actually vulnerable, he was letting everything out. He was destroying his brick wall at every word but he felt he owed that to Jules: honesty. But the anxiety, that was something serious. He began to shake a little while he spoke but he couldn't stop "We were there, and it felt so good –so fucking excellent. It was kinda like here" Julian shut his eyes not allowing his tears to come off. Logan suddenly realized that… "Oh god" he started to look around at the darkened place. The shadows of the trees, the wind... It didn't ring any bell to him but, somehow, he felt sure about it "Jules, this…"

"I don't wanna hear it Wright. I'm leaving" but he just couldn't move.

"Marianne told me that you had come here before" _Why can't she keep her mouth shut! _"That you smiled," and he smiled too. He knew it; he knew he had to stay and fight back for him. No matter how much Julian said he hated him and he didn't want anything to do with him he had stayed in there. He had stayed where once there was a tiny cheap motel with woodened rooms and the best eggs and bacon the couple had ever had. And he had remembered that, that's why he'd smiled. That was his chance; that was his reason; that's how he knew that, despite everything, Julian still had feelings for him "You smiled and –Julian? Julian, where the hell are you going?"

"I'm done talking to you"

It wasn't his brick wall building up again. No, it didn't feel that way. He had felt like that before, he was actually quite familiar with that sudden heat. That exact heat that he'd managed to deal with for almost five years now. It all came in a rush, it came too fast, it came burning everything on its way. The heat started to run through Logan's veins. So, in his all well familiar hit of rage, he just ran towards the guy who was walking away (he always walked away, always) and tackled him down. Julian gasped falling to the ground and a pair of strong arms made him turned around; Logan sat on Julian's stomach and grabbed his wrists tightly.

"You're hurting me, you prick!"

"You're running again!"

"I'm not running!" Julian snapped trying to get rid of Logan's grip "I have nothing else to say to you! Let go!"

"You're still a freaking immature, coward _primadonna_!" the green in his eyes was so intense that Julian felt actually magnetized to them "Resentful. Obnoxious. Whiny little bitch!" Julian's rage made him stronger and Logan was having troubles controlling him "Julian!"

"WHAT?" his attempts to get rid of Logan ceased. He just stayed there looking at him fumingly.

The heat was telling him to hurt Julian because he deserved it but he had spent almost twelve years in therapy to know better. He may not allow himself to physically hurt him but he had to let it all out "What the fuck are you doing?" he mumbled frantically "Are you pretending again? Are you playing house, is that what you're doing? Don't look at me that way! I know you Larson! I bet you are just letting out all your fucking frustrations because you've never had a real home" Julian frowned and started to battle with Logan's hands again but the blonde's arms were still filled with his rage so it wasn't difficult to control the guy under him.

"Jesus fuck Larson, are you seriously _that _damaged? You feel unloved and incomplete so you married the first bimbo that crossed your way? You are freaking insane! What about us?"

"There's not _us_, you asshole!" Julian retorted "You can't be that self-centered! I MOVED ON, LOGAN! Now get off me!"

"No!" he was panting, Julian wasn't the weak guy he used to be when they were at boarding school; his body seemed more toned, stronger, in shape "What's the deal with that freaking Marianne, huh? What is she replacing? Do you miss the feeling of being part of a family, is that what it is Julian?" The actor started kicking the air out of desperation, moving everywhere he could just so he could get rid of Logan's grip "I gotta give it to you Larson. Now you find a way to stop running away every time shit happens: you're tied to your _family _now. Good" he said with a sarcastic tone "Healthy. Now, just answer me this: WHY"

"_Why?_" Julian frowned and, with a sudden move, he managed to throw Logan against the cold ground so he could sit on him. The blond didn't even put resistance "Why what exactly? Why I've moved on? Why I have a family now that doesn't involve you? Why I married Marianne? Why I don't love you anymore?" Logan grimaced painfully "I'm not playing house you disgusting, morbid sociopath! The fact that I got married and have a son it's not me pretending. And Stop. Talking. Shit. About. My parents!" the guy cried shaking Logan's body from side to side "You wanna go there? Fine! Let's! So, is it me or you are here because you're trying to get your way, Wright? To finally take the last step into becoming your _father_" he narrowed his eyes at Logan who clenched his trapped fists. "I've watched you do wrong things in the past but are you really considering breaking a family apart? You swore you will never do that! You swore when you found out the truth about your dad that you will never destroy a family like he had done it! And _my family_, Logan? Are you really that selfish?

"Congratulations Logan, you've just become your father… only much worse. You are the sum of everything that you hate in him and everything that he hates on you" Logan stopped moving frantically and just stared at Julian frowning "And besides that" he let out a bitter laugh "you came here claiming that you still have feelings for me and whatever the fuck is coming through your head and now you're trying to destroy my happiness? My six-year marriage? You won't let me be happy unless if it's with you and I can't be happy with you anymore" he let go Logan's wrists but stayed in the same position. Logan didn't move an inch either "So, for all that matters…I really hate you. You say you know me? Well, if that's so you should know that all I've ever wanted is to be happy and you are so stubborn that you can't see that it's not with you anymore. It's been ten years since it's not _with _you"

The actor stood up without taking their eyes off of him "I'm begging you now. I hope you're happy taking my last piece of pride. Go. Please, let me be happy. Please don't cross my way again because I can't do this again. I moved on, please do it too"

And with that, Julian brushed his clothes and began walking to his own chalet. He would never look back; he would never see Logan staying there for a bit longer, thinking. He would never see his Lo feeling like scum, lying on the ground trying to think properly.

He was right. Who was he kidding? He had seen this since he was little, he couldn't do that to his former best friend, to the love of his life. He couldn't break a family. He couldn't be his father. He couldn't see Julian unhappy, not because of him, not again. He had to deal with the idea that fucking Marianne was making him happy now and that he had a son. _A_ _Logan_. A Logan that will never run away from him, a Logan who would love him forever, that would never hurt him. Maybe he had a point (Julian always talked him into his senses), maybe he needed to leave him alone.

Jules had moved on.

He was just interrupting their lives.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Fourth is coming up! I'm trying to think whether if I should cut it or not. I don't know how to tho :)<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: HI! Oh god, I'm sorry. I said it won't take me too long to update and I'm truly sorry about that._

_Anyway. I'm giving you guise a long, fluffly chapter. I really couldn't cut it. I didn't know where, why or what to cut so this is it._

_About the chapter I usually talk too much so I'm not saying anything (Just that I wanted to exploit this relationship) Okay, that's it. Nothing else. Enjoy the fluff and I'm really sorry if you get tired while reading it but I don't think it's like that. I think it's very "light". I don't know. You'll be the judges. _

* * *

><p><em> Jules,<em>

_ you're right. I'm sorry._

_ Goodbye._

_ Logan._

Yeah, that was okay. He didn't need to say much after what happened last night –he didn't know what else to say anyway. Logan had never been good with words, this wasn't an exception.

And this was… clear, short, straight to the point. In fact, he didn't need to see Julian to do it.

He just needed to stand up in front of the Larson's chalet and slid the note under the door. Then he will leave for good.

But why was it so difficult?

Why was he already standing in front of the door with the envelope in his hands and his body couldn't move?

The blond stood still. _Just one move, Logan, one move. _He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Shit_. Logan fisted the piece of paper and put it into his pocket. _Fuck…Just…f-_

And, suddenly, he felt a light tug on his coat, pulling it down a couple of times. The guy, in shock, looked down and gasped in horror.

_Ugh. Double fuck._

Big green eyes were staring at him curiously. A little fist kept grabbing the edge of his coat. His other arm was hugging his new favorite stuffed animal.

"Uhm…hello?"

"Who are you?"

Logan blinked puzzled. Great, just… great. He hadn't considered this in his plans.

Besides, he was awful with kids. Awful "I'm –I'm Logan"

The little boy's eyes opened widely "Like _me_?" he grinned. Logan scratched the back of his head and furrowed his brow amused by how easily excited the boy got with little things.

Just like Jules back in school.

"Uhm… yeah. Yeah, like you" The little one chuckled, hugging his lion with both arms; never taking his dreamy eyes off of the blond.

"Yeah, but you're _old_!" he bit his lip trying to hide his Cheshire cat smile (god, he looked so much like his father). Logan frowned and replied annoyed.

"I'm not old! I practically have the same age as your dad!"

"Daddy is old too!" the little boy balanced from heel to toes, smiling. Logan narrowed his eyes and tilted his head a little.

And then he smiled.

"Maybe we're a bit too old…" The brunet chuckled, staring at Logan amused. The older one loosened up a little and put his hands on his pockets "Is your… dad here?"

Little Logan shook his head and began playing with his lion while talking "Dad went out. Mommy is buying me nice things" he quoted the last words his mom told him in the morning.

"And you are alone?" he frowned upset. Stupid Marianne, leaving his son alone in the woods. He hated her. He would never do that to _his_ son.

The boy shook his head laughing "No! I'm with Dana! We're playing hide and seek!" But he suddenly seemed worried. _Oh no… _Logan thought._ Shit, what did I do now? _"I need to hide!" the brunet said in a rush while running towards the futon on the terrace and hiding under it. He put his little fluffy lion in a way that he could cover his face with it.

Logan frowned, not knowing what to do next "I should go then…" he was walking down the stairs when he heard a loud whisper coming from under the furniture.

"No! You should hide before Dana finds you!"

The blond smiled at the innocent boy "Uhm…I'm kinda old for hide and seek, don't you think?" Little Logan popped out his head and frowned. Why was he not willing to play with him?

"But daddy plays with me all the time!" He sneaked out from his hideout and brushed his clothes before speaking "Oh!" he exclaimed "You should meet Dana!" Logan froze for a second, which made easier to little Logan to grab his hand and drag him towards the chalet's backyard "Dana!" he yelled grinning.

A girl with black curly hair turned around in relief at the familiar voice calling her name. "Oh Logan, thank god!" She ran towards him and bend over, grabbing him by the shoulders "We said we're just gonna play in the backyard!" Logan chuckled innocently and looked up to the blond guy standing behind him.

"This is _Old_ Logan!" his excited tone made Logan smiled, but it became uncomfortable when Dana straightened up and frowned at him.

"Logan, you shouldn't talk to strangers" she reproached.

The brunet frowned and pressed his lips upset "But he's my friend! He's gonna play with us!"

"Uhm…actually" Logan cleared his throat to catch their attention "I was just leaving"

The five year old stared at him disappointed and pulled his lion even closer to him. His eyes got teary, his pink lips became a thin line and then he lowered his head.

_Oh crap._

_Oh this is just fucking wonderful._

"Okay, no, uhm –No, don't cry" Logan bent on his knees to be at the same level than the little guy "I'll play. I'll play but –No. No. Stop crying, _please!_"

The brunet rubbed his eyes to clean his tears and asked with a broken voice to the blond in front of him "_You gon' play?" _Logan nodded desperately. The little one sniffed his running nose and then grinned widely "Yeay!" he jumped in excitement.

_WHAT? Is he freaking bipolar? Ugh, kids…_

"Dana!" he turned around at his nanny who seemed extremely confused "Dana you should go to sleep now!" he took Dana's hand and walked her to the backdoor "I'll play with _Old Logan_"

_I am not Old!_

Dana hesitated but then she saw how Logan approached them with a warm smile "Its fine. I'm friend with his parents. Julian and I –We –I…-"

"Dana!" Little Logan pulled down her hand to caught her attention with a pleading tone.

She sighed "Okay, I'll…" she fulminated Logan with her eyes as a warning "I'll go to sleep"

When she entered the chalet, she went straight to hide behind the curtains. Staring at them.

The hell she was leaving Logan with that guy alone.

* * *

><p>Marianne was furious at her husband. And when she was furious at him she liked to drive to the nearest mall and buy everything she wanted to for hours.<p>

She was furious because in the morning she woke up feeling emptiness on the other side of the bed.

"_Wr'you goin'?"_

_Julian looked at her uninterested and kept buttoning his shirt "I have a meeting with LA and I can't get wi-fi here"_

"_Jul, we're on vacations" She grumped with her eyes still closed "Stop working"_

_Oh, come on, he didn't need this from Marianne. Not right now._

_Besides, he couldn't sleep at all last night. Logan's eyes were staring at him every time he tried to close his._

"_I'll be here by noon" he said dryly and grabbed his coat._

_And he left the room._

_Without kissing her goodbye._

That'll cost him two Marchesa dresses.

* * *

><p>Logan stared awkwardly at the little boy –who was also staring at him in silence. They stayed there for a couple of minutes.<p>

"So…" the blond man coughed "What kind of games do you play with your dad?"

The brunet considered the question for a moment and then he answered elated "We play cowboys! And with my trains! Oh!" he started bouncing. God, this kid had energy "And daddy tells me stories!" Logan laughed in delight at the image of Jules acting the whole story to his son's pleasure.

"Tell me a story!" Little Logan raised his arms thrilled about his idea. Still jumping, he was always jumping. Logan looked at him in horror.

"Uhm… a story?" he stuttered. This is why he wasn't good with kids. They ask for too much "Sure. Okay. Uhm-" _Okay, a freaking story now _"Okay, this is the tale of two cities –"

"Can one of the cities be named Logan?" the boy interrupted expectantly.

"Uhm, no. No, it's London and Paris" the brunet frowned in confusion "Okay. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times –" Great. Was he actually telling a five-year old a Dickens' story? Just great. What do kids read nowadays? What had he read at his age? _Never_ _again_ "It was the age of wisdom…" the little boy raised his eyebrows and turned around to play with his toys "No!" Logan shouted in desperation "Okay, this is a story about dinosaurs!"

Little Logan turned his head curious.

_What the fuck do I know about dinosaurs?_

"Scratch that, no" he laughed awkwardly and looked around trying to find some inspiration "ASTRONAUTS!" he shouted excited. He'd succeeded "It's a story about an astronaut!"

"And his name was Logan?" The boy turned around completely, eyes wide open at the blond. His grin became wider.

"Oh yes! Absolutely! Yes, Logan the astronaut. And he –uhm…" _don't lose it, don't lose it, don't lose it _"AND HE HAD TO KILL SPACE MONSTERS!"

The boy remained silent, glancing at Logan without even blinking. _Fuck. This is impossible, I'm done. I don't know how Jules can handle it._

"What else?"

Logan frowned –_so he was interested? _–and smirked.

* * *

><p>Julian parked the car and sighed. The meeting went well. Marianne and he hadn't fought since yesterday –actually, they'd barely spoke in the morning. And he believed that he made his point with Logan last night.<p>

So why did he feel so miserable?

_Ugh._

He walked silently towards the chalet and opened the door changing entirely his expression into a warm smile "Logan? Logan, daddy's here!" he took a deep breath and left his scarf on the couch "Logan?"

"Mr. Larson?" Dana's voice came from the other room. Julian walked towards her and smiled.

"Hi Dana, where's Logan?" he looked around without finding his son. Dana was seated on a chair staring through the window.

"He's outside, playing. He sent me to sleep" Dana rolled her eyes. All three of them found absolutely adorable when Logan acted as a grown up.

Julian also rolled his eyes "So he's playing outside all by himself?" he asked marveled. That was odd… Logan loved to play with his beloved nanny.

Dana bit her lip while shaking her head. How could she explain this? "That's why I'm here. He-" Julian frowned and walked to the window "Uhm-"

"_Preparing to launch in three, two…ONE!"_

He didn't need to see them. He could recognize that voice everywhere. How couldn't he?

The loud laugh that came after the countdown made him freeze.

_FUCK! _He opened the backdoor frantically and stared at them for a couple of seconds:

A blond man was lifting his son up to the air, spinning. The little boy spread his arms pretending to fly, he couldn't stop laughing.

And Logan, _his Lo_, he was smiling.

He was laughing.

He was playing with his son.

Julian stayed paralyzed just…looking.

But once his son saw him he got rid of Logan's grip and ran towards him "Daddy come play!" Julian snapped out and looked down to his son who was trying to drag him across the yard.

Boy, this was awkward.

Logan couldn't take his eyes off of Julian and vice versa. When he was close enough to him, Julian clenched his jaw and mumbled intensely.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Before he could say anything, the other Logan answered bouncing "Daddy, I'm an astronaut!" he grinned "You have to help me fight the monster! I'm a _prisenter!_

The blond looked away from Julian's glare and smiled miserably at the boy "_Prisoner, _Logan_._ Is_ prisoner, _not _prisenter"_

The five year old shrugged "Daddy, play with us! Help me!" Julian made a fist, closing his eyes. He was doing this for his son. He didn't want to see him upset. He took a deep breath and smiled back to him "Ok Lo. I'm gonna help you!"

He stared back at Logan who had a cocky look on his face "Lo?" he smirked at the actor.

Julian narrowed his eyes and swallowed hard "So, can I get a weapon?" he asked his son. Little Logan laughed sitting on a huge rock next to a tree, nodding "Good" he smiled mischievous at the blond and then started to look around.

"You can have a weapon?" Logan asked in disbelief, his jaw dropped when Julian came back with a long branch in his hands "WHAT? No, you can't have a weapon. Logan, he can't have a weapon!" he demanded to the little boy.

"No, I think I can Wright" he smiled mischievously and hit Logan in the arm.

"Ow!" he jumped back, frowning "Julian, what the hell are you doing!"

"Language, Logan" he hit him again with the stick "I don't want my son learning those words"

"Ow! Jules! Stop it!" he grabbed the branch at which the actor frowned and started punching him on the arm "Yes! That's mature, Larson!" The only noise in the background was little Logan's laugh and the wind blowing.

"Well…you-are-a-monster" Julian retorted, every word was another punch "I'm helping astronaut Logan" And at his name, the little boy stood up on the huge rock and started jumping, arms raised "Yeay! Go Daddy!" Julian looked for a moment at his son and stopped hitting the taller guy "Logan, careful. Don't step on the –Ow! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"Language, Jules" he furrowed his brow, smiling with the branch twirling in his fingers.

"Wait, you can't have a weapon" Logan frowned and Julian nodded arrogantly "You are a beast. Beasts don't know how to handle weapons" he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"It's a stupid branch Julian. It's not a lightsaber…"

"Oh no, that's exactly what it is" he grinned taking the branch off Logan's hands and hitting him repeatedly on the torso "Logan and I are astronauts _and _Jedis, just so you know. So go away monster! Leave me alone! Leave my son alone! Go!"

"Well, then I need my own lightsaber" he took another branch by little Logan's side and waved it on the air. Julian frowned and yelled "You are a monster. You can't handle a lightsaber!"

"Why not?" Logan frowned. Then, he turned to look at the little boy who had both hands covering his mouth to control his laugh "Logan, I can have a lightsaber, right?"

The little boy was still giggling, seated on top of the rock. He stared at the blond with innocent eyes and uncovered his mouth with a grin "NO!" Logan's jaw dropped at the answer.

And, in a split of a second, he felt some force tackling him down. Julian began to punch him furiously on the ribs "Julian!" Logan tried to stop him "Ow! That hurts!" He wasn't willing to stop. Not after all the suffering that he provoked him. Not after all those years wasted in school. Not after coming here and began to ruin his life like he always did.

Not after seeing that they could've been a happy family if only Logan hadn't ruined them.

And Logan? He could tell. He could tell they weren't playing anymore. He could tell that Julian was actually trying to hurt him but his son was there, looking at them, cheering him up. He could tell and, for a moment, he let him punch him. Just for a little moment. He deserved it after all "Larson, stop it" he said calmly after a while. Julian didn't listen and continued, he tried to control his angry tears "Julian" Julian's son continued jumping "Go daddy, go!" It all seemed like a game to him, _luckily_. Yes, he wasn't good with kids but he liked Logan. He really liked him, he wanted to keep playing with him "LARSON!" Julian accidentally hit him on the jaw and that's when Logan lost it.

His pupils were dilated and he leaned forward to grab Julian by the arms and threw him to the ground. Again. "Get off me Logan!" Unlike last night, they weren't so passive. Julian was actually trying to hit Logan back and Logan wanted to do the same but Julian's arms were getting on his way.

"No, don't hurt daddy astronaut!" the little brunet got off the immense rock excited about their adventure "Bad monster, don't hurt daddy!"

_I am not…hurting your fucking daddy! _When tiny hands began slapping him on the back he frowned and looked at him. Logan was still laughing pleasantly; it was a game after all. Then he turned back to the guy under him. No, he wasn't hurting him…Was he? No, he hadn't even hit Julian; he'd never intended to do that. Not too hard at least.

But, yet again, he was on top of him; Julian was panting in rage; and the little boy next to him did say 'stop hurting my daddy'. Was he? Was he really trying to hurt him?

Logan calmed himself down and stood up. Julian's puzzled look stared at him until the blond stretched a hand to help the actor to stand up.

And after a moment of hesitation, Julian took Logan's hand and stood up. The blond didn't measure his strength when he pulled him up, and Julian's sudden proximity made him shiver. Quickly, he took a step back and stared awkwardly to the ground.

"Yeay! We won!" Logan started jumping like a pet bunny everywhere. He grabbed his little lion from the ground and hugged him tightly. He wasn't aware that his daddy was staring at the blonde man in confusion all that time "Go daddy!" he screamed running towards him and hugging his legs "I'm not a _prisenter_!" the boy said in a mocking tone, grinning.

Logan drew a small smile on his face at the little boy and then raised his gaze to meet Julian's brown eyes. And they seemed…so…confused. He could only study them for a second before Julian cleared his throat and looked at his son who was still hugging his legs "Okay Lo, time for you to take a bath" he smiled and little Logan frowned "Astronauts _do _takes baths, you know?" Logan wasn't buying it. He narrowed his big green eyes and then looked at the blond guy who blinked a couple of times before answering.

"Yeah, uhm…" he rubbed the back of his neck "Winners have to take baths for…" _Fuck, I can't keep making things up _"good luck?" The little boy grinned and grabbed his father by the hand walking with him towards the backdoor.

That was the first time in five years that Logan didn't put up a fight to take a shower.

* * *

><p>Julian tucked his son in bed and kissed him on the head when he heard a soft knock on the door. He turned around and smiled politely "Come in"<p>

Logan, as silent as possible, let himself in and closed the door behind him. He stood there watching the love of his life seated on the bed of his son watching him, loving him "He likes to sleep too?" He asked smiling without taking his eyes off of the little child. It was the first time that he could take a good look of him. It was kind of difficult with all the jumping and running.

"Heavier sleeper than me, can you believe that?" the actor sighed smiling and then he look at Logan "Sorry about that punch"

Logan began to rub his jaw and nodded "I think I deserved that"

"Yeah, you did"

They stared at each other for a moment, smirking –_flirting?_.

"Jules"

Julian stood up and took a deep breath, he crossed his arms "Logan, I'm still hoping you leave me and my family alone" his eyes never hesitated on where to look at.

"Yeah, that's what I was going to say" Julian raised an eyebrow, suspiciously. Logan sighed and explained "I was leaving. I came here to say goodbye. I was really leaving, and then Logan" he looked at the little guy who seemed so angelical in his sleep "well…your kid is really something" he chuckled.

Julian dropped his arms and nodded "Yeah, he is… he is awesome" his eyes showed Logan a huge love to the boy asleep. That was something he couldn't have with him. Not anymore.

"I am really sorry" he was looking for his eyes "for everything" and he found ones that were willing to heard him at last "And I won't say anymore because you'll think is bullshit" Logan realized his curse and mouthed a sorry, Julian rolled his eyes "But I love you" Julian's heart skipped a bit "I love you and…" he laughed softly shaking his head with his eyes closed "I can't believe that I'm saying this but…" when he opened them Julian saw the most beautiful tone of green that he had ever seen in ten years "I'll leave you alone"

"Well, I'm glad" Julian swallowed and tried to keep his coolness while talking. That was it. Logan Wright had entered in his life once again and, once again, he was leaving.

Leaving _him_.

"I just…" the blond frowned slightly. He had to get that out of his chest before he go "I just thought that…you and me…" he smiled "we could…-"

"You thought wrong, Lo" he cut him off with apathy.

'_Lo…'_

Logan took a step closer towards the actor and, no matter how much he wanted to shove him away, Julian's body wasn't responding. He stood there, face to face with the blond. The tips of their shoes were touching. Logan, carefully, moved a hand towards Julian's chin and lifted his head a little. Their eyes were locked on each other. The soft, warm touch of Logan made Julian felt chills everywhere. Just like he remembered it felt…

Logan leaned even closer.

He could feel his hot breath caressing his lips.

* * *

><p><em>AN: haha. So? What do you guys think? Apparently little Logan likes Old Logan (and vice versa).<em>

_And yeah, that's the last part when...uhm..._

_I swear I'll update as soon as I have the time to type all down! (Oh my god, I just realized that this is twice longer so this thing might have even MORE grammar mistakes. So sorry about that :S)_


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: I am so incredibly sorry for this. I have no excuse. I mean, the last update was like...23 days ago! I am sorry. I am so sorry._

_And I'm sorry for this too. I tried my best so I really hope you can enjoy this. If you do, please let me know! Your reviews always keep me going._

_Oh, btw, this whole thing was kinda inspired in three songs: Vegas Skies-The Cab. Hometown Glory-Adele and Rolling in the deep-Adele. In that order._

_Julian and Logan belongs to CP Coulter, their chaotic platonic relationship -I think- belongs to the entire fandom._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Okay, about this chapter I only want to clarify two things: 1. I think my grammar really sucks and my writer's block made everything more complicated. 2. (And one of my betas made me realized that I should explain it first) Remember last chapter? When Logan was leaving first thing in the morning? Well, he stood in front of the Larson's chalet at...I don't know, 10 am? Yeah, probably ten am. And Julian just left to do a work thing that wouldn't take him too long so I thought they were playing outside for a while.<em>**

**_So, um, in this chapter is about lunch time. 2:30 sounds right. That's it._**

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

He still couldn't move. He was still lost in Logan's beautiful eyes. He felt chills when the blonde's thumb started caressing his cheek.

"No?"

And Logan couldn't stop himself either. He was so close. All the memories of how did the brunet feel under Logan's touch reappeared. Julian's skin was still soft, he still smelled like vanilla, his lips had the same light pink color. Both were transported back again to Dalton, ten years ago –eleven, twelve… -when one body was instantly attracted to the other and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They were not a cheesy, horny couple (like Derek used to say), they just felt…something. Every touch, every breath, every kiss, every look, every whisper…their senses only responded correctly while the other was around. Both felt ecstasy, adrenaline, shivers when their bodies made contact. And it felt so great, it felt so _fucking_ fantastic.

"No." he sighed for the last time, battling with the lump in his throat. _Not again. No, please not again. I can't be that much of an idiot. I can't still-. _"Logan, just…stop."

"Okay." Logan whispered and smiled, leaning even closer to the brunet. Their noses were touching. _I've missed you. I've missed you Jules._ Julian froze –_please, please not again _–when he felt Logan's hand moving slowly to the back of his neck, and the other one was resting placidly on his hip, keeping him close. "It's just that…" the blond kept talking brushing their noses together, their lips were barely an inch away "this feels right."

When he couldn't stand it anymore, Logan shut the insignificant gap between them. Lips touched softly.

And Logan couldn't ignore what he felt next.

"Julian?" Logan pulled away and frowned, absolutely confused. Something wet on the tip of his nose had distracted him before he could fully kiss the actor. "Julian, wha-?"

"_Don't-_" His face reddened, his hands became fists and the tears filling his beautiful chocolate eyes were ready to fall in any second. Tears of frustration, tears of hate.

But he didn't hate Logan. He hated himself. He hated himself because of what he was feeling.

The same feeling he thought he got rid of ten years ago.

"Jules, I-" Julian managed to control his reaction (mainly, because of the little boy sleeping a few feet away from them). He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch him straight in the face; he wanted to take his son and leave for good. Marianne wasn't important, they could start a new life with his little Logan in…Austria? _Yeah, that sounds nice_. The blond didn't know what to do, though; everything felt wrong –he didn't want to hurt Julian again. "I didn't-"

"Yes." his hand wiped angrily his tears away "Yes, of course you didn't mean to do that. Of course!" he clenched his jaw. _Pathetic, you're so pathetic. Falling again for the same guy who broke your heart when you once gave it entirely to him! _He took a deep breath. Logan glanced at him. "Now, I believe you said you were leaving."

Logan opened his mouth and tried to articulate but he couldn't. Did he really want him gone after _that_? Was he the only one that felt all those amazing things when they were _that _close?

Was it hopeless?

"I'll walk you out."

Logan didn't even oppose. That was the plan since last night, right? He will leave. Plus, he, somehow, said goodbye. He, somehow, felt him at least one more time. Julian walked to the door and left it opened for Logan to follow him.

But he stayed there a little longer, trying to understand why he couldn't stop when Julian said no the first time –or the second time. Why was he always pushing him? They were behaving like human beings once again. When Julian punched him it seemed like he had let it all out. And then he smiled at him, for Christ's sake! He smiled at him like he used to do it. But no, he wanted more. He wanted much more than his beautiful smile.

He wanted to kiss him and tell him everything he couldn't put up in words into that kiss.

And he wanted to feel his answer in that very same kiss.

Logan turned his head to see the little brunet sleeping angelically on his bed, holding tightly to his lion. He could've been _his_. He could have been the one tucking up _his son_; singing to him until he falls asleep. Or maybe tell him a story –apparently he was good at that.

_Asshole._

When he reached the chalet door he just mumbled his final goodbye, head down.

"You know…" Julian's words were barely audible, he was mostly mumbling to himself what he truly wanted to say to him but he will never have the heart to do it. But Logan did hear him, and _he wanted to know_. He walked away really slowly, trying to hear every word that came out of his mouth. "I thought I finally-"

"Logan?"

But a voice suddenly interrupted Julian's speech.

That voice.

That extremely excited, pitchy voice.

Julian snapped out of his not-so-inner monologue to find out that Logan was, indeed, listening. _Oh, fuck_. The way he was standing, how he had tilted his head to a side and how his body tensed when Marianne showed up let him know. He took this moment to think all through and just…breathe.

That was one of the few times in his life Julian actually thanked Marianne's bad timing.

Logan, on the other hand, was about to explode. _No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. __What were you gonna say, Jules? Tell me_. He clenched his jaw when he saw the petite blonde walking with several bags in each hand, approaching them. _Say it, Julian. Marianne can fucking wait. Keep talking, keep talking!_

"Logan, what a pleasant surprise!" she said leaning closer to kiss both of his cheeks. "Hi Jul." her plastic smile approached the actor as she dropped a quick kiss on his lips. Julian growled uncomfortable; he still had the weak taste of Logan's lips on his and she took it all away with her lipstick and falseness. "I was out all morning in my _own _adventure" she entered into the chalet, both guys following her with the eyes "exploring Ohio's malls –which are not a big deal, by the way." The blonde laughed loudly. "But lunch will be ready in an hour; so Logan," the blond guy blinked at his name "I insist you join us."

Julian gulped and hated Marianne again because of her freaking bad timing. _You have to be kidding me. She's just doing this to ruin my life. He was leaving, he was about to leave without taking any more of my pride with him and she-! Ugh. Unbelievable._ "Actually," he took a step forward "Logan was here just to say goodbye, Marianne." Logan stared perplexed at Julian. _What? No. You were about to say something. I am not leaving until you spill it all out!_ "He was going to the lobby to check out…"

Marianne frowned "Well, I won't take 'no' for an answer again, Loggy." _Again? _Julian looked at his wife expecting an answer but she didn't pay him any attention._ What? _And he was certainly not going to look at Logan because that would be too risky."Do your check out, come back and we'll have some fabulous chicken parmesan before you leave. Hopefully this guy "and tilted her head in Julian's direction "let us talk properly now."

* * *

><p>The living room was in utter silence until Logan woke up from his nap to have lunch with the others. Julian and Logan had been seated on separated couches; the latter staring intensely at the first one –<em>Talk to me, Jules-<em>; while the actor's eyes were fixed on his son, who was lying next to him, sleepy.

Yes, he knew Logan was looking at him.

No, he couldn't look at him. If he did it, he'd cry out his frustration and he would explode in front of his family and in front of the guy that still made him feel nervous. He shouldn't look at him.

So he just sighed.

_I can't believe I still love him._

"Okay boys, lunch's ready!" Marianne interrupted the silence of the room walking in with a salad bowl in her hands. Dana was behind her, carrying a tray full of dishes.

Julian stood up immediately and turned to wake up his son, who was curled up in a couch sleeping. Logan pouted but finally sighed and rubbed his dreamy green eyes to take his father's hand and walk with him towards the table.

Logan stayed there watching the father-son moment and smiled to himself "C'mon _Old Logan,_" He blinked as soon as he heard a childish voice calling him "you can sit next to me." The small boy grinned.

"Darling, that wasn't really polite, was it?" Marianne asked in a very motherly tone "Apologize."

The little boy frowned. "But _I'm _Logan." He said while the blond man took a seat next to him. "And he doesn't mind because he's my friend, right?"

Marianne looked at him amused. Had she missed something when she was out? She glanced at the two grown-ups, who remained quiet, focused on their chicken. "Oh?"

"Yeah mommy!" he began to bounce in his chair. "He was a space monster and daddy was an astronaut," Logan stopped pretending he was eating and listened entertained to the little guy "and so was I, but then I was his _presenter-"_

"Prisoner." Two voices chorused gently. Logan raised his head right at the exact time Julian tried to escape his eyes.

But he couldn't.

Julian was now emerged on those green emerald eyes and he couldn't do anything about it.

He couldn't escape.

The five year old kept talking but it seemed that the only one listening was Dana, who had joined them at the table a while ago. Julian and Logan kept staring at each other, unaware of Marianne's eyes flicking anxiously from the guy in front of her to her husband, next to her.

Something was happening, she didn't know what.

In fact, she was kinda scared to ask because of Logan's look.

She had the same look.

"How's…" she cleared her throat loudly, trying to shut her own voice up that was making wild assumptions in her head –and to catch the two guys' attention. It was pointless: Julian and Logan seemed to have forgotten about the rest of the world. "How's the chicken, Logan?"

When he heard his name the spell broke. Julian coughed and put a piece of chicken in his mouth while Logan glanced at Marianne and smiled politely "It is very good, actually."

Marianne's smile didn't reach her eyes this time. She just nodded and looked down from Logan's face to see the intact chicken on his plate. "I'm…glad" she mumbled, her fake smile disappeared, but the traces were still there.

_It's really easy to make chicken parmesan. You just have to… _And she kept repeating the entire recipe in her head during the whole lunch.

She needed a distraction, that's all.

She didn't need anything else in her mind.

* * *

><p>The rest of the meal the five of them remained quiet. Even little Logan was in a zombie-mode, he wanted to go back to bed. "Finish your chicken, darling." Marianne said and her son pouted. He laid his head in Logan's arm and yawned.<p>

Julian raised his gaze for a second and dropped it quickly to his lap with a sudden move. _Just…pretend nothing's happening. H_is hand tightened around his fork.

And Marianne also pretended nothing was happening. It was easier that way. It was easier to ignore Julian's trembling hand because of his tight grip. It was less complicated not see how Julian was battling with himself to not stare at his son and the _stranger _in front of him. It was easier to be quiet.

And so she did.

Maybe she shouldn't have asked Logan to join them. Never.

* * *

><p>After an hour, Logan was standing in the door of the Larson's chalet. He had already said goodbye to the kid –the brunet hugged him, sleepy, and he almost fell asleep on his shoulder. He gave Marianne a small smile "Thank you for the chicken, it was great. You should be a chef or something." he tried to joke –Marianne just nodded absently.<p>

"Take care, Logan."

She…she wasn't the same old Marianne, Logan could tell.

That's why he didn't feel taken aback later, when Marianne went to talk to him.

So he just smiled again and glanced at Julian, who was standing behind his wife uncomfortably.

"Bye Julian." _Just one more time. One last time. I want to- _He extended his arm to Julian and waited. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah…" Hesitantly, he took Logan's hand and stayed there for a moment. It felt nice: warm, soft, like when they were younger. A slight shock of electricity ran through his body.

Marianne stood between the two of them staring at their hands. Her heart began racing out of the sudden. She raised her gaze and saw their expressions for just the quick second that all lasted. Logan straightened himself back and turned around. "Bye." He turned around and walked down the porch stairs.

_Wait._

_Wait Logan, don't go._

_Don't leave me again._

_Logan –Lo, I want to tell you something._

_Logan? Logan, please turn around. Please. If you turn around I swear to God I'll tell you everything. Logan. Logan?_

But Logan didn't turn around. He just kept walking waiting for Julian to scream his name and come running towards him.

That didn't happen either.

"I'll…" he cleared his throat to get rid of the lump he got seeing Logan leave. "I'll go check up on Lo." He walked with his head down to take shelter on his son's room.

The only Logan that will never leave him.

Marianne watched him go with her attempt of smile still on her face. _No, _she thought. _No, I have to –I. _Her chest hurt because of the unusual heart beating. A sudden fear embraced her entire body. The voice in her head was practically screaming by now, but it could be wrong, right? _This is what I get for living in Hollywood. I can't think that, no. He's –We need to move out, Hollywood is a bad influence._ When she heard Logan's door close she knew that Julian wouldn't leave the room soon.

So she just walked.

* * *

><p>Logan let out part of his anger when he kicked the wheel of his Porsche but that wasn't enough. He sighed in frustration and hit the window of his car with all his strength.<p>

He left him…again.

He fucked it all up with him…again.

And he was never going to find out what Julian tried to tell him.

* * *

><p>Julian went down on his knees and started caressing his son's head extremely cautious to not disturb him. He smiled and felt how a fearless tear ran across his cheek.<p>

* * *

><p>Marianne usually didn't have much problems walking in any surface with high heels, but at that moment it felt impossible to do it.<p>

At first, she just tried to take a deep breath, regain her composure and kept walking, but it was useless. Her heels were drowning on the ground.

That wasn't helping her at all.

But she was a lady –she couldn't scream her frustration away.

* * *

><p>"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!" he punched again the window but this time he really got what he wanted: an excruciating pain on his right hand. "Argh!" he screamed, but he was still angry with himself "Fuck!" he hit again.<p>

Not sure whether if all his anger was gone, he just stopped. His forehead leaning above the spot he'd been hitting for a couple of minutes, and sighed.

"Logan?"

This time the voice wasn't pitchy, wasn't excited, wasn't false. The voice calling his name sounded, for the first time, sincere...upset.

He shut his eyes close and listened. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Logan looked at her and nodded when he met her green, intense eyes.

* * *

><p>Julian sighed. It was all over now. If he was lucky he could forget about Logan in two weeks –three, tops.<p>

_Who am I kidding?_

He hadn't forgotten about Logan since he graduated and had to leave Westerville for his own sake. To leave Ohio, leave the States. Everything he wanted, everything he _needed_, at the time was to disappear.

"_It's okay. It's okay." the actor cried desperately, grabbing Logan by the arm "We can work this out, Lo. We can-"_

_Logan shook his head, tears running across his face. "I am so sorry Jules, I didn't-"_

"_It's okay." He forced a smile to prove Logan they were going to be fine –the tears were another story. He cupped his face and kissed him "It's fine, see? I'm kissing you." Logan closed his eyes in pain. "I love you. I love you, we-"_

"_I don't deserve you."_

"_No. No, shut up. You don't think that. You're the one for me Lo. It was just a mistake."_

_Silence._

Julian stood up and tried to wipe his tears at the memories.

"_It… was a mistake, right?" his voice kept shaking._

* * *

><p>"I just…-" She stopped for a minute to put his thoughts in order. "People just…<em>assume <em>I'm stupid, you know?" Logan met her eyes and stared at her, trying not to smile. "Born and raised in Beverly Hills, all-girls school, married to a rich guy…_blonde._" she smiled sadly at him, Logan nodded to let her know she could keep going. "Thing is, I'm not the smartest person… but I know a few things.

I grew up in a city where everyone needs to be false and smile all the time or you're just…_banned _from their little snob group. Hollywood is the exact same thing so I'm quite an expert on the subject.

So I can see through that, you know?" Logan nodded again. He wasn't scared; he could see what was coming next "Through the looks, and the smiles, and the words, and the…" she hesitated a bit "the handshakes." She raised her eyes, Logan was smiling kindly. "So I just have two questions for you. Two yes or no questions, that's the only thing I want from you."

* * *

><p>Julian left his son's room to go to the bathroom to throw some water on his face. He could still see the Logan from ten years ago shaking his head painfully after that question. He could still feel the same heartache every now and then. He opened the door calmly and looked around. The actor found Dana cleaning up the dining table.<p>

"Dana, where's Marianne?"

* * *

><p>"Okay." Logan took a deep breath. His hand was still soaring.<p>

Marianne tried to choose the correct words before speaking.

"Do you have feelings for my husband?"

* * *

><p>Julian left the chalet feeling nervous. Dana hadn't seen Marianne but she assumed she went out because the door was still opened. He looked around but he didn't see her close.<p>

_Maybe the lobby..._

_Logan's gone. She can't –._

* * *

><p>Logan sighed. "Yes." And, for some reason (he didn't know why), he smirked. The intensity of his look came back.<p>

To say it at loud was refreshing. To say it to Marianne was… liberating.

But Marianne wasn't going to chicken out after this –she was expecting that answer. She held his stare and swallowed deeply, trying not to show her fear about the upcoming question.

* * *

><p>He reconsidered his decision. <em>No, she isn't in the lobby<em>. He stopped walking for a second and ran towards the parking lot.

* * *

><p>"Now," she wouldn't look away from his gaze first. She was strong enough to hold it "I think you know what I'm about to ask."<p>

His smirk grew wider. "I have a pretty good idea."

* * *

><p><em>Fuck.<em>

He couldn't run. He couldn't jump into any conclusion because if he was wrong, everything would be too suspicious. When he saw Logan and her wife talking, he froze.

_Fuck!_

And the first step was the hardest, but everything came automatically once he started.

* * *

><p>She pressed her lips into a thin line before talking. Logan just looked away from her for a quick second to see Julian walking towards them "Do you think my husband feels the same way about you?"<p>

Julian was closer to them, his pace was determined –it wasn't time to get anxious. Logan looked at him once again; his smirk became a mischievous, lusty smile.

Marianne turned around. She wasn't surprised when Julian showed up. She didn't care, he was still far enough to get an answer from the guy in front of her.

"Yes or no, Logan."

Julian was even closer.

Logan's eyes set on Marianne's.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I am so sorry. So so sorry. For anyone who is still reading this I really have no excuse for the -almost-three months hiatus. **

**I will not say anything else because I don't want to excuse myself for my irresponsability. I hope you can forgive me, I always think about this story and ways to continue it but sometimes I just can't and...and I'm really really sorry.**

***sigh***

**I swear I'll be more constant with my updates. Anyway, the story is coming to an end -maybe two or three more chapters and it's done -so let me know if you like it so far? Please?**

**AN1: (About the story) Don't know guise if you remember but the last chapter was a bit of a shock for Marianne so basically this chapter focuses more on her than in Julian or Logan. **

* * *

><p>"<em>Excuse me?" Julian jogged until he reached the blonde walking down the street with at least four shopping bags in each hand. The woman turned at a slight tap on her shoulder and blinked in surprise as she recognized the brunet.<em>

"_Yes?"_

_It took a while for Julian to speak again; he was staring intently into her eyes. "Uhm, I think this is yours." He handed her a rectangular, flat box, which she grinned and took it. "Oh, thank you so much." She put her bags on the floor so she could open the it. Inside, there was a silver necklace –a very delicate chain was holding a small pendant made with the same material. "I loved it since I saw it, you know? I like the musical note at the ending."_

_The blonde could sense that the guy wasn't paying her too much attention. His lips were slightly parted, his cheeks were a little flushed and his eyes were focused on hers._

"_Oh." The actor snapped out of his trance and smiled softly. "Musical note?" He looked down and saw the woman's fingers playing with the adornment._

_She nodded and smiled again. "I used to have one like this when I was little. My grandmother gave it to me when I started playing the violin."_

_Julian felt lost in her intense gaze once again. He had never seen such beautiful eyes in anyone. "Julian Larson," he finally managed to say._

"_I know," she chuckled charmingly and closed the box while extending her other hand to shake Julian's. "Marianne Phelps."_

* * *

><p>"<em>Are you serious right now? Are you fucking serious, Marianne?"<em>

"_Don't you dare using that tone with me Julian Larson-Armstrong!"_

"_Marianne-!" Julian covered his face with his hands and walked away from their bedroom. "Unbelievable. You're freaking unbelievable!"_

_Marianne followed him into the living room with a deep frown in her face. "Don't walk away from me! Stop walking away from me! Larson-!"_

_The actor turned around so abruptly that Marianne almost crashed into him._

"_If you walk right through that door we're over."_

"_Fine."_

"_Fine!"_

"_Fine!" _

_She yelled back after Julian closed the door behind him with a loud bang. Marianne clenched her jaw and she couldn't hold it any longer. Nobody was watching anyways. She grabbed a crystal center piece and crashed it into the wall. Then, she walked toward the bar in a corner of the room and started throwing all the bottles into the floor._

_And then she couldn't stop._

_When Julian came back, five hours later, he found Marianne seated in the middle of the living room surrounded by broken objects, soil from the vases and pages from books she had ripped off one by one._

_He stood there in silence, digging in the scenario and Marianne just looked at him for a moment before she sighed and looked around._

"_We need new stuff."_

"_Marry me."_

* * *

><p><em>At this very same moment Marianne was sobbing. She didn't know if it was out of pain or happiness but she knew it'd pass.<em>

_This was one of the happiest days of her –their lives._

"_Do you have a name yet?" A woman with a light blue robe asked through a mask of the same color._

_She couldn't think. She was sobbing again when a nurse dressed with the same clothes as the other handed to her husband, very carefully, their baby –all cleaned up and crying loudly._

_Julian turned around gaping at his wife. It wasn't a dream. He was actually holding his baby for the first time. Julian Larson had become a father. Marianne smiled between her sobs and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She was so happy at the image of her husband staring down at the now quiet little guy in his arms._

_The brunet grinned at him and then walked slowly to Marianne, never parting his eyes away from the new-born. She extended her arms and Julian laid carefully their son in her chest._

"_Logan…" he whispered, and Marianne smiled when the baby-boy opened his eyes and tilted his head in Julian's direction._

"_I think he likes it." Julian's lips brushed her hair and she felt so connected with him, so happy with him, so secure with him that nothing else seemed to matter now._

_Because she now had a family._

"_Logan Larson."_

_And she liked the name._

* * *

><p>"-THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO TELL HER?"<p>

"Nothing! You were –You were leaving! You-!"

Marianne didn't make a sound for what it felt like an eternity (or maybe three minutes, she wasn't sure by now). She kept looking at a blind spot, far away from her, in the ground. Once in a while her vision was interrupted by some frantic pair of hands that moved along Julian's upset words.

She wasn't even thinking about the previous conversation with Logan –not even about her husband's suddenly intrusion and the worried look that he had tried to hide. She wanted to run away from there. She wanted _not_ to think.

_Carpets. I have to call the guy that cleans the carpets._

_Logan's doctor's appointment has to be rescheduled._

_Call the girls…_

…_I need a night out. _

"She just asked me-!"

"Shut up, you egotistical prick!" Marianne snapped out of her thoughts but kept staring at the same spot. "Go away and leave my family alone!"

And that was it. Julian didn't see it, nor did Logan. They didn't see Marianne frown. Didn't see the change of her hands into tight fists. They didn't notice the small tear that came down involuntarily and ran across her cheek. They were too focused on each other to actually notice anyone else.

What made them acknowledged her existence was the abrupt punch in Julian's jaw that forced his torso to twist to a side.

"What the hell-" Julian regained his balance but kept a hand where Marianne hit him, trying to suppress the pain. He looked in disbelief at his wife and saw rage in her eyes.

When she was upset it was when she most resembled to him.

"Marianne, what-?"

"This is not a fucking family, you fucking dickhead!" Both Logan and Julian seemed taken aback when the so-called ladystarted swearing in an extremely high-pitched voice. "This," she made a frantic move between her husband and her with her hand, "this is a fucking lie –YOUR fucking lie!"

"What are you talking about?" This time, the rage in the petite blonde's eyes gave her away before a second punch stroke right in Julian's ribcage. "Argh! _What?_"

"What is going on with you two?" her sharp cry made Logan wonder if the birds flying away from the tree cups were trying to escape from there or were just a really dramatic coincidence. "Wh- You-" Dizziness went all over her body in a split of a second. She was getting sick, she wanted to puke, to collapse right there. She wasn't crying but she felt the urge to set her tears free. "Logan-"

"Why do you believe in him more than in _me_?" Julian grimaced sourly and suddenly his body wasn't in that much pain anymore. Nothing could compare with the sensation of betrayal and disappointment when he looked at his wife. "Fuck, Marianne, you just met the guy…"

"Because at least he answers my questions," she muttered. At this point, Logan raised his gaze from the ground and looked at the woman beside him. Her body had stopped trembling, her breathing had found a steady rhythm and her fists became delicate hands again. When he wasn't looking, Marianne had found the strength that Julian lost. Her answer left the actor speechless. He wasn't a bad husband –he wasn't perfect either, he knew that –but he thought he was at least covering the basics. "You don't –you _never _answer my questions."

"Marianne…" his voice softened. He tried to reach her but his wife took a step away from him (and unconsciously closer to Logan) and raised a hand in a 'don't-even-think-about-it' way. Julian sighed and lowered his head.

He was meant to fail at everything, wasn't he?

Yes, yes of course. If he couldn't even take care of himself, how was he supposed to take care of a family? Let alone…be happy and _make _them happy.

He wasn't happy. Not a bit. The only sunbeam that his life held was Logan. His son was the only right thing he'd done in a very long time.

"I don't know what's your story together," she said in a soft voice, getting back her lady look. She couldn't just flip out again like before. "-I'm not sure if I want to know it but…" she closed her eyes and pressed her temple with two fingers, taking a deep breath," this concerns me. This concerns my son, this concerns –" slowly, she opened her eyes and tilted her head, "-Logan?" The taller man lowered his gaze at the sound of his name and looked at her but she wasn't looking back at him. Another fit of rage invaded her body and she almost jumped at Julian's throat like a lion attacking his prey when she finally made all the connections in her head. "LOGAN? YOU NAMED OUR SON AFTER HIIM?" The actor could feel the pain not in her punches but in her cry. At this, Logan quickly grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up in the air to make her stop. "YOU DRAG _HIM _INTO THIS?"

"What are you talking about?" Julian snapped and even Logan felt intimidated by his harsh tone.

"He's our son, Julian!" She cried in Logan's arms. "_Our_ son! The one with your smile, with your hair, with my eyes! My-" Marianne stopped and tilted her head backwards to look at the guy holding her. When he felt the calmness between his arms, Logan looked down and saw a pair of green, intense, eyes staring at him in shock. "…eyes…" She whispered, "like…his...-"

"What?" the two guys asked at the unison.

Marianne wasn't the smartest person, she knew that.

But the fact that the other two guys remained clueless was getting to her nerves.

"I want answers."

* * *

><p>With difficulty, Marianne managed to walk through the woods despite her high heels sinking in the ground every now and then. She had no idea where she was going but she knew that if she stayed in that parking lot for another second, she would go crazy. The cabin wasn't an option either with her son a few feet away from them. She simply walked and she knew that Julian was following her and Logan was following Julian.<p>

Ten minutes of silent walking and who-knows-how-far from the chalet complex, Marianne stopped and turned around. Her mouth partly opened, her index raised, and brows knitted together, stopped the other two men on their tracks. They remained quiet.

"You were friends." It wasn't that much of a question. Yes, she knew that already but to say it out loud would probably make it clearer in her mind. "And you," he looked at Logan, "you have –had –_have _feelings for my husband."

The actor turned his head and looked at Logan. His eyes weren't pleading him to shut up anymore, they were just tired. This whole conversation was inevitable, he knew that, so he just waited for him to answer and end this for good.

Green eyes met brown and, without taking them off him, he nodded.

"And Julian…" It broke Marianne's heart that her husband was still looking at the blond guy behind him. "You…" she took her time to choose the correct verb tense because she didn't know if she could handle the entire truth right now. "You _had _feelings for Logan."

Julian lowered his head and sighed. "We were boyfriends."

The last word made Marianne dizzy again. She covered her mouth to restrain a gasp but the tears were already falling. She was shaking. Her marriage was a lie; her family was a lie. She had no idea what did she do to deserve all of this. Julian wasn't the chattiest guy but she figured it was the Hollywood life that made him so reserved. Later, she will think that if Julian had told her about his past since the beginning, she wouldn't have reacted that way. But they were _boyfriends_ and Julian was acting weirder than before now that this guy was back in his life. She couldn't pass that out. She didn't deserve it; no one deserved to live in a lie.

Even worse, she was Julian's lie to himself. Marianne was a simply substitute for something that didn't work out.

"What else."

"-I broke him." The married couple turned to the blond. His voice, unlike the other two, sounded casual. "He loved me and I broke him."

"How?"

Logan stared at her for a moment and then took a deep breath to begin:

"I don't know if you remember… Ten years ago there were all these news about our school. Julian's name was often mentioned too. It was everywhere." No matter how long it had been, Julian still found it really difficult to talk about the subject. He walked towards the closest tree and sat there, back leaned in the trunk, while his hands were pulling slightly brown locks of hair.

"Yes, someone died in a fire…"

"Uh-huh," he put his hands in his pockets and frowned at the memories. He still had some scars from that day; tiny ones, but scars anyway. "That day I found out that my best friend had been in love with me for over three years," a corner of his mouth quirked up into a sad smile."Can you believe that? It took me three years and a knife in Julian's throat to know about his feelings.

"So it was hard for Jules after that. I tried to be with him all the time –take care of him; be a good friend. We didn't talk about his confession for a long time, he didn't let me. He wanted to forget everything about that day and he wanted me to do the same, but how can you forget something like that?"

"You don't." Her voice was barely audible.

"I didn't. Every time I looked at him I asked myself how I didn't see it before…"

"You were an idiot–" Julian's voice caught their attention. He had his legs crossed, a finger drawing circles in the ground. He raised his gaze, "-are. But I was a major one. After three awful years I was still in love with you."

"The first thing I said to him in our first day of senior year was if he wanted to go on a date with me."

Julian snorted and narrowed his eyes. "More than 'Larson. You. Me. Saturday Night. We're having a date.' I think those were your exact words."

Marianne let her guard down for a moment and the ghost of a smile popped into her face. But that ghost disappeared as soon as she realized that Julian was smiling at a blond that was trying to cover his blush. She cleared her throat and broke the spell, "and you broke him?" The question hit exactly where she wanted. She couldn't bear the sight of her husband and Logan like that. Like… they were sharing something unique, something that just the both of them owned.

_Be the bad guy_, she didn't care anymore.

Logan blinked and lowered his head. "I do this…_thing_ –I sabotage every relationship I have. With Julian I tried my best not to but I…" he sighed, disappointed on himself, "I _can't _help it."

"You cheated on him."

"I don't cheat." He snapped quickly at Marianne, who didn't even bat an eyelash. "If there's a thing that my father has taught me is that cheaters are scum. I. Don't. Cheat."

Marianne crossed her arms and raised her chin defiantly waiting for him to continue. The intensity of their looks burned deep inside the other for a moment. This was it. It was Logan's time to explain himself after ten years of silence. Ten years of regrets, of guilt. Ten years he spent running away but the memory of Julian had always pursued him.

_So here it goes_…

"You see, I-."

"No, hold on-" Julian interrupted. His head tilted to a side, replaying the day everything ended in his mind over and over again. "You cheat. You cheated. On me. You said you-"

"I didn't." Logan pressed his lips into a thin line and shrugged uncomfortably.

"No. NO!" The actor stood up and strode toward Logan, eyes madly furious. "No! We broke up because-"

"Julian, think about it." He restrained himself from grabbing Julian's hands and squeeze them hard because he knew that it wouldn't make a difference. Now that he was right there explaining everything he thought he shouldn't have come at all. That Julian would have been better hating an eighteen year old teen than a twenty-eight year old Logan. He was just hurting him more with the truth.

But he couldn't stop.

"I've always hated my father for what he'd done; for the families that he broke… I would never cheat. Especially not on you."

"Wait," Marianne got a couple steps closer to them, "did you cheat on him or not?"

"Yes."

"No." Two absolute voices came at the unison. Logan lowered his head, looking for Julian's eyes and when he found them he whispered "no." Julian huffed and tried to escape from his gaze but the blond was faster. He grabbed him by the shoulders and smiled, desperate for Julian to believe him. "I would never, _ever, _cheat on you, Jules."

"Shut up!" He pushed Logan away. "No! We broke up because you said-"

"I lied."

"That you made a mis-"

"I lied too."

He pushed him again and again until Logan's back hit a tree. Marianne stood there, arms wrapped around her body, watching her feet uncomfortably. She didn't need to watch, hear them was bad enough.

"No, you-!"

"I wasn't thinking, okay? I was scared!"

"You were-" Julian ran a shaky hand through his hair and growled. "No. I don't get it. I don't – I-"

"I panicked."

"About what?"

"About us."

Julian was panting. His sepia eyes darkened at the sight of an ashamed Logan. They stood in silence, the wind was blowing stronger.

"So you lied to him?" She raised her head to meet another pair of green eyes. "That doesn't sound-"

"I know it doesn't." He replied and looked back at Julian, talking only for him to listen. "You were in love with me since freshmen year. That's _three whole years_, Julian. I couldn't compete with that. You had three more years than me in our relationship…"

Julian narrowed his eyes, he felt a lump in his throat but it wasn't a cry, it felt more like a scream that he was choking back. "It wasn't a competition, Logan… Relationships are _not_ a _fucking competition!_"

"Three years, Julian…" and he realized how stupid it sounded.

But, at the same time, how freaking true it was in his head.

"I could've waited for you!" He stepped away from him and started walking in circles. Marianne flinched when Julian shouted hoarsely and kicked a tree nearby. "I waited for you three years. I could have waited for you a lot more! You just had to ask, _dammit!_"

"I couldn't." He shook his head. "It wasn't fair to you…"

"SO YOU DECIDED THAT IT WAS MORE FAIR TO BREAK ME?"

When Logan raised his head, Julian was shooting daggers at him with his glare. "I wasn't worth it…"

Julian looked at him in disbelief. He stalked towards Logan and, when he was close enough, he punched him right where Marianne had hit him before.

"Stop with the self pity! Stop it! Stop thinking that you're not worthy! Stop thinking that you don't –_didn't_, didn't deserve me," he corrected himself as fast as he could. "Stop with that! Stop thinking that no one should ever love you!" He stumbled with words that were desperate to come out but he surrendered and just walked in circles again, trying to calm himself down. "Gee Logan, who did this to you? Who made you think that you don't deserve to be happy?"

When the actor stopped in his tracks and covered his face with his hands, no one spoke for a long time. Marianne looked away from the two guys and contemplated the sight. It was actually beautiful. The tree cups moving along with the April wind, colorful flowers gleaming with the weak orange sunbeams of the afternoon, birds resting in their nests... She was even able to see a hummingbird flying from flower to flower and then disappearing quickly with the soft spring breeze.

And she hated it.

All of it.

"Why did you say that?" Julian finally broke the silence. "I mean, you could have said something less…hurtful."

"I just… wanted you to realize that I wasn't the type of guy you should fall in love with."

"Why?"

He sighed, looking up to the clear sky through the leafy branches and realizing how desperately he wanted to go back in time and never meet Julian because that was the only way he'd be sure he would never hurt him. "I don't know, okay? Fear, maybe?" He shrugged awkwardly. "I know it sounds stupid," he looked up when he heard Julian huffed and started walking again. "I panicked because I knew that I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"And what was that, Oh Clever One? Please, enlighten us with your infinite wisdom!" He snorted and ran a hand through his hair. "You think that I wanted you to love me back? Sure, that would've been freaking fantastic but when I told you _'I love you'_ I never asked _you_ to love _me_!"

"Why didn't you tell him anything?" She hadn't talk for a while, so her voice sounded husky. There was something that Marianne couldn't comprehend. Call it a sixth sense but she could tell something was missing. "I mean, you asked him to go on a date with you. Why didn't you tell him that you weren't… _there _yet?"

Logan stared at her for a while. When the two pair of eyes met, they realized that the hate had vanished from their looks –they were too far from there now. "Like I said, I panicked."

"No, but…" she walked slowly towards the blond while Julian stopped again and followed her with his gaze. "You kinda took the first step and then… I mean, it could happen, you could've panicked but why didn't you tell him that?"

He could feel a tennis ball stuck in his throat.

"He looked…so _happy_."

"Why didn't you tell him that you weren't ready yet?"

"I didn't think he could understand…"

"And why do you think that if you don't deserve someone else's love you need them to hate you?"

The hummingbird appeared again, revolting near them but no one seemed to notice.

"I… don't know…"

Marianne tilted her head and frowned. "You do realize that your lie did nothing but break him in a million pieces, don't you?"

"He has a family now, doesn't he?" That wasn't a smile. It could've seen like it but Marianne knew that he was broken on the inside too.

"Yeah…" she whispered deep in thought and stayed that way until she snapped out and turned to Julian, "and you. Why did you marry me?"

Julian raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You said you were trying to forget him."

"I _did _forget him. I moved on. I met you."

Marianne's laugh sounded hollow, a bit creepy. He stared at her puzzled.

He really didn't know where she was going.

"Come on, Julian. Stop lying to me. Or to _yourself_. I don't know him so well but I'd say that you marry a female version of Logan! Only…less…messed up." Julian opened his mouth in disbelief and, for just a moment, he shared a look with Logan that was as confused as him. Marianne was about to lose it again. Looking from one guy to the other she laughed exasperated. "You can't be serious. You…you don't see it?" The silence answered for them and she sighed. "You never got over him!"

"No!" The brunet shook his head frantically. "No, I did! I've never thought about him in…in seven years or so…"

"-You met me seven years ago," she was smiling. She was actually smiling but her blurry vision and the heat in her face told her that it wasn't the _happy _kind of smile. It was the one that admitted defeat.

"Yeah, because I was thinking about _you _now!"

The first tear was her cue to go.

She turned around and started walking back from where they had come.

"Where are you going? Marianne?"

"I'm leaving." She stopped and turned to look at her husband with a smile in her face. "We've had enough of your game." With that, she continued her way.

It took Julian a while to say anything. He had stayed there, frowning at her back while sensing that Logan was staring at him again –he didn't mind this time. "_We?_" he shouted for Marianne to listen.

"My son and I." She answered calmly. Her words, her breathing, her pace… nothing was against her this time. She was leaving gracefully. Her pride was intact; she wasn't sinking in the ground now because she felt lighter. Chin up, eyes sparkling, hands intertwined behind her back, lips pressed into a smile… She was doing it. She was strong enough to do it and she wondered if the hummingbird felt exactly like she was feeling in that moment. "We don't deserve this. I'll send you the divorce papers as soon as we move out from the house."

Julian froze.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Did that make sense? In the next chapters I'll explain other stuff. You can't just expect every detail on just one chapter, can you?<strong>

**If you want to review or ask me anything, that'll be great. **


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: There are no words to say how sorry I am for this late late late late really late update. I've been trying to write this chapter for like...8 months and I couldn't get it right. I still don't feel it right but hey, maybe that's just me loathing my work. I don't know. You'll be the judges of that. But I wanted to do this. I wanted to finish this story before I turn twenty so I can say "hey, I finished a story before turning twenty. Four for me. I actually accomplished something. Highfive to self :D" and of course it probably don't mean anything to you but it means the world to me so I just wanna share the joy. **

**And if you're reading this, I just wanna say thank you and that I'm really sorry for the wait. And I guess I should stop now because there's a story to tell.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

From where he stood, Julian Larson could see the faraway ghost of a blonde woman sucking in the beauty surrounding her and despite how much more miserable the trees looked like, how the white sky had turned gray and heavy, how the birds had stopped singing; he couldn't bring himself to hate her.

Instead, he hated himself.

He remembered the day, ten years ago, when the trees had looked just as miserable, the sky was the same shade of gray, the birds didn't sing for three years, and a different ghost with blond hair had also disappeared behind a door taking everything Julian loved with him.

Once it happened, he learned to be more cynical –never trusting happiness because it's the perfect moment to destroy a life. And he'd promised himself to never give someone else that opportunity ever again. Julian would be fine as long as he remembered happiness was nothing but a time bomb.

Of course, that was before Logan was born.

The first time he took Logan in his arms, he felt a heavy weight leaving his heart, and after holding his gaze for only three seconds, Julian had seen in those intense green eyes the promise that everything was going to be okay from there on.

So when Julian spotted next to Marianne's ghost the image of a five year old with fluffy, oak hair turning his head around just so he could steal a last glance from his daddy before waving goodbye it suddenly hit him:

His child, the only Logan that ideally would never leave him, was also going away. The bomb went off. His knees gave out.

* * *

><p>It seemed more glamorous in the movies.<p>

When the strong, independent woman decides she's had enough of a life she doesn't deserve, she usually packs the essentials, takes her kids out of the house and drives to the horizon without looking back.

Now, Marianne was as strong and independent as Susan Sarandon or Claire Danes, and every step closer to the cabin she was more convinced about that.

But as soon as she set foot in the cabin a sudden panic assaulted her. What was she supposed to do now? Pack the essentials? What was essential, anyway? Car keys, purse, phone, a coat, that Louis Vuitton handbag she got in an auction, the Marchesa dresses she bought in the morning… and Logan's things! A coat, maybe some food, a blanket in case he falls asleep in the car (plus, it's getting chillier outside), that stuffed lion his father bought him and –oh crap, did she pack the Louboutins or did she leave them back in L.A? A change of clothes for Logan –and maybe she should leave the phone here because Julian could call and the strength and independence Marianne had would vanish in a matter of seconds. Or maybe Logan would pick up and he was a smart kid, it wouldn't take him too long to realize _daddy isn't coming_; and then hell would break loose and Marianne was strong and independent but Logan's crying was stronger than her.

"Mrs. Larson, is everything alright?"

She realized she hadn't moved from where she stood under the door-frame at Dana's concerned voice.

"Yes. Uhm. We're leaving." Brilliant. If Dana came with them, Logan wouldn't ask much about his daddy.

"Oh, okay. I'll take the suitcases out."

"No. Not suitcases. We're…leaving." Dana's frown was something Marianne could skip over because Susan Sarandon didn't have to explain herself. "Just grab a coat. Logan and I will wait for you in the car."

Because, thank god, her son was a heavy sleeper.

She was afraid what would come when Logan woke up.

_Glamour my ass._

* * *

><p>"Jules?"<p>

Last time he had seen that expression in Julian's face was almost twelve years ago.

After Adam, the fire and waking up from a coma to realize the consequences of that night, Logan had been prepared for sorrow, for guilt, pain, tears, screams, broken pieces…

And that came. Eventually.

But the first four weeks he saw _nothing_.

Logan had wondered if that cloud he saw in Julian's eyes was the same one people saw in him when he took his pills. If the complete opposite of his voice while singing was Julian's when he needed to talk. If that was how death looked like.

In those four weeks Logan longed for screams and hurt because that way he'd knew Julian was still there, alive, feeling something. The brunet was nothing but a walking corpse and Logan had decided one night, when he went to check up on his friend and heard him cry in his sleep, that he would do everything he could to never see him like that again.

Almost a year later, after closing a door and walking down a hallway, he realized he couldn't even keep the most important promise he had ever made to himself.

"Julian. Jules, c'mon. Stand up." He tried to pull him up by the arm but Julian didn't even flinch. "Please. Please, Jules, please, stand up. We can still reach her. Please. Please, Julian, if we move now–"

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Logan kneeled in front of him and tilted Julian's chin up hesitantly, not surprised to find wide eyes, not brown but gray (gray as the sad and ugly sky above them), in a daze. However, if Logan focused long enough, he could see the small glint of panic eating Julian away.

The blond cupped his face with both hands and tried his best to keep his voice steady even though his eyes showed everything he didn't want Julian to notice. "Listen to me, Julian. It's getting dark and we need to move now because every second we stay here Marianne uses it to–"

The wind blew harder in response and Logan closed his eyes, letting out a long breath. This wasn't supposed to go like this. He had imagined long talks, apologies, kisses, a damn happy ending for them because, damn, broken people deserve a happy ending too. He'd had this stupid scene playing in his mind ever since he read Julian's name in that email –I still love you. I've never stopped loving you. I'm still broken. I am broken too. Do you believe in happy endings? I do, do you? I do. Do you think we can have a happy ending together? I do, do you? I do.

He wasn't supposed to be married. He wasn't supposed to have a son.

But, then again, Logan didn't mind because he was sure that scene playing in his head wasn't a dream, it felt too real to be just it. No; at every passing hour, he'd managed to convince himself he'd seen the future –_his_ future with Julian. He could be married, he could have a child, but Logan was blinded by a vision where the two of them ended up living happily ever after. Because that was what felt right. Not this. This didn't feel right at all. Not the woods, not the darkness, not Julian's dead eyes.

He bit his lower lip, closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Julian's. His voice came as soft as a whisper that could've gotten lost in the woods. "I will carry you back there myself if I have to. You know I will."

The sudden cold air hitting him straight in the face forced him to open his eyes. Julian had pulled back, blinking quickly, frowning slightly, looking at Logan every now and then until his lips twitched up and huffed. "Why's that, Logan?"

Now it was Logan's time to blink puzzled at the guy who was sitting on his calves with a lopsided smile on his face. "Pardon?"

"I said "why's that?"." His tone was casual, his smile was polite, his eyes showed a real interest on what Logan would say next. "Why is it that you want me there with Marianne if I'm all yours now? Wasn't that what you wanted all along?"

It was. "I, uhm…-"

"I don't have a wife anymore," Julian cut him off and the tone was still casual, the smile was still there and Logan was scared. "Not a son, either. You took all of that away from me so I could be all yours and well," he held out his arms and finished nonchalantly, "here I am."

The blond blinked and shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous." He cleaned up his palms on his jeans and stood up, feeling uneasy. "Move. We've lost too much time."

But Julian didn't move. He kept smiling and looking up at him. "Isn't this what you wanted, Logan? Now we can be together."

"That's it, you're being an asshole." He grabbed Julian's wrist and tried in vain to lift him up. "Julian!"

"Logan!" He chuckled with malice, "Hey, let me ask you something. How does it feel? We're together again because I have no one else in my life."

The clear vision of their happy ending played for him one more time but now the image was blurry and Logan couldn't recognize voices or figures. Suddenly, the scene broke down into a million pieces and he was left facing reality, standing in front of Julian's wide eyes and venomous smile.

"We can still catch her."

Julian kept smiling. "I don't want her. I want you."

"Stand up."

"I love you."

"No you don't," he sighed. "Move."

"Why, Logan?" he tilted his head and faked innocence. "We can be happy together now."

And it suddenly hit Logan.

No they couldn't.

Not together. Not the two of them. Not in this life. Ten years ago, when he closed that door he had thrown away that chance. He'd broken his promise, and ten years later he had found the opportunity to fix it –the chance to give Julian his happiness back. And he wasn't involved in Julian's happiness anymore.

He stared at the purple sky for a while and laughed without humor, shaking his head. Funny how what he thought he deserved was the only thing he would never have if he wanted to make it up to Julian for everything he'd done in the past. The only happy ending for them was if Julian got his.

Logan sat down, his knees touching the brunet's, with a smile on his face. His wasn't full of venom, though. His was a smile of resignation –like the hero accepting his death when he sees himself surrounded by men pointing guns at him –he was embracing his pathetic future. "Remember that time… Sophomore year I think… You'd come back from LA two days before scheduled and I went to your room to say hi and you… I remember it clearly," he chuckled, "I remember you were staring at the roof oblivious to the rest of the world and said _"What the fuck is happiness, anyway?"_" He was grinning at his lap, shaking his head slightly at the memory. Julian only stared, his smile long gone, so as the gray in his eyes. "And after a while I told you _"Who the fuck cares?" _and you looked at me for a really long time with this…this bitchy, judgmental face you had –have –_had _–I don't know anymore. Anyway, you kept quiet for a while _judging _me and then you…started laughing. This…this ridiculously loud and obnoxious but still contagious laugh and I don't know if it was because of your laugh or because I realized how stupid my answer was that I laughed too and we laughed for a very long time. You even fell off the bed and we laughed some more and we didn't stop for what it felt like hours…" Julian felt Logan's smile in each of his words and wished he could see it away from the darkness. "And when we stopped, when we finally stopped laughing, you said –"

"I said I do." His voice almost got lost in the night. "And you said –"

"I said I do too." He reached for Julian's hand and put it in between his. "And then, in Senior Year, we were happy together."

"And then we weren't," he gulped and covered hesitantly Logan's hand with his free one.

"And you found happiness again." Julian said nothing. "So you shouldn't allow anyone to take that away from you, not even an ass like me." The brunet snorted and he laughed in response. A short silence followed. "We can still reach her."

"We can't," Julian shook his head and squeezed his hand lightly, "not anymore."

Logan nodded slowly and looked at the direction Marianne had disappeared. "I bet she's still packing, though," he stood up and brought Julian up with him, their hands still clasped together. "I mean… She brought clothes to stay for at least three months here; it'll take her a while to pack everything."

Julian chuckled in return and ran a thumb across Logan's knuckles. "That actually makes sense," and he allowed himself to walk hand in hand with Logan throughout the darkness.

* * *

><p>They didn't make it.<p>

Even before getting inside the cabin Logan knew it and Julian knew it too but neither of them said a thing. The latter opened the door of the cabin and flicked the light on to find everything apparently intact. There was a long, white coat and a leather purse in a sofa, shopping bags at its feet and Julian felt a pang of hope hitting him on the guts. "Logan?" He headed directly towards his son's room and Logan stood still, looking at a pair of sneakers on the carpet, the same ones that the kid had to take off by request of her mother if he wanted to climb up on the sofa for a five-minute nap. "Lo?" He knew Julian wasn't talking to him. He'd left his son's room and had walked towards the master bedroom in a matter of seconds. The sound of doors opening and closing, the muffled voice of the actor when he checked the bathroom and every closet, always calling for Logan, always hoping to find his son, was ripping Logan's heart up but he kept looking around. The dining table was already clean except for two small, read and blue car toys on top of it, the ones Logan tripped over with while getting to his place in the table at which the five year old giggled sleepily and told him to be careful next time.

"Maybe he's outside…"

"Julian…" Julian was already opening the backdoor calling out for his son. His voice came loud and shaky, Logan didn't move until the brunet came back.

"I told you it was too late."

"I'm sorry."

"I saw her coat and…" he couldn't keep his eyes off it while talking, "I really thought-"

"I know."

A heavy silence invaded the room for such a long time that they both jumped when something started buzzing against a wooden stand next to Logan.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. After sharing a horrified look, Logan was the first to react and grabbed the phone with both hands before shouting Marianne's name and throwing the device frantically at Julian who fumbled with it as soon as his fingers touched it and almost dropped it when Logan shouted something about Julian's inability to catch objects in the air.

"Heh –hello?"

"_Daddy?"_

Julian choked as soon as he heard his son and started breathing heavily. "L-Lo-Logan? Lo?"

"_Daddy, are you coming or not?"_

Logan suddenly appeared by his side and was saying something Julian couldn't decipher. "Uhm, where are you, sweetheart?"

"_Hiding."_ It was hard to focus on Logan when the other one kept mouthing instructions at him and hitting Julian's arm. _"Took mommy's phone with me because she wouldn't let me call you."_

Julian frowned and hit Logan harder just so he could completely focus on his son for a second. "Yeah, mommy is a bit upset right now but we'll be alright, Lo. Hey, listen to me, where are you and mommy?"

Logan tugged his sleeve and cocked his head towards the doorway. Julian followed and by the time the little kid finally managed to tell Julian they were at the airport, Logan had already started the car and was tracing a map on his mind to find the fastest way to get there. Ten minutes later, Julian hung up and took a deep breath before hitting the window. "God_fucking_dammit!"

"We're almost there," Logan lied.

The actor shook his head and bit his lip, eyes filling up with tears. The phone was still in his hand, clutching it for dear life; there wasn't a sound but the engine roaring louder every time Logan hit the gas pedal.

"You shouldn't have come at all, Logan."

He blinked when he heard his name and took him a moment to understand what Julian had said. The brunet was looking at the darkness outside, elbow on the armrest and hand holding the phone up to his lips. Logan stopped in a red light and took a deep breath.

"I know that now."

Julian turned around. "Why did you, anyway? What was the plan?"

"The plan was…" He grew desperate with the eternal red light and pressed the heel of his hands on his eyelids. "I didn't have a plan. I only had this stupid idea of us getting back together."

"Despite my wife and kid…"

Green light, finally. "That's why I said it was a stupid idea."

"No, this is beyond stupid," he hadn't looked away from Logan since he set his eyes on him and it was getting to his nerves. "I'm familiar with your stupid ideas and you outdid yourself with this one."

He was right. Logan hated when Julian was right. As soon as they got to the highway, he took it out on the gas pedal.

* * *

><p><em>Do not panic.<em>

_You haven't lost your son in an airport._

_There are no people staring at you wondering if you're Marianne Larson. Because you're not. Not anymore._

_You are Marianne Phelps._

_And you haven't lost your son in an airport._

Trying not to look desperate when you are actually desperate is hard when you're running without actually running in an airport looking for your missing son that isn't actually missing. The last thing Marianne needed was people judging her parenting skills when she was about to file for divorce.

"Anything?"

Dana shook her head frantically. "It's all my fault. I looked away for a minute and –"

Susan Sarandon would have slapped Dana into her senses but she couldn't risk it, people were already looking. "Security is already looking for him, he can't be that far," she muttered while keeping an eye on every person that pointed at her while whispering things.

And then nothing mattered.

Something had caught her attention.

One of Julian's latest movies was screening in a TV at the Radioshack store. Behind it, the head of a lion toy popped out for a moment and then disappeared again. Marianne strode her way into the store, turned left and there she found her son, talking to the stuffed animal and watching his father on the screens behind the big one he was using as a cover. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding and walked towards him.

"Hey, Lo."

Logan turned immediately and then went back to the TVs. "When I get to see daddy?"

She wasn't Susan Sarandon anymore.

"We'll meet him in LA," she kneeled by his side and brushed a lock of hair off his face. "He isn't coming with us."

"Why not?"

This wasn't the time, not even the place to explain it to her son. She looked down and found her phone on the floor. "You talked to daddy?" she smiled.

The little boy nodded and focused on his toy. "He said you two will be alright…"

"We will." It even shocked Marianne the sincerity of her answer. She remained quiet for a while –they _will_ be alright just…not together anymore. "But now mommy needs to go back home. Would you come with mommy, Lo?"

She kissed the top of his head when Logan nodded again. "But he's still daddy, right?" He was talking at the Julian on the screens.

Marianne also looked. Logan's smile was as big as his dad's and she loved that. She loved Logan with all her heart; she'd do anything to keep that smile on his face, and one of the main reasons Logan smiled was because of his father. Marianne didn't have the heart to take that away from his son. Maybe Julian was Logan's favorite but that didn't mean anything to Marianne. She'd still kill and die for him.

"He'll always be daddy."

Everybody's broken and hurt. She wasn't going to break and hurt her son. Not now, not ever.

* * *

><p>"And now that we're on the subject of your stupid self…" Logan growled and overtook a car with an abrupt maneuver. "After all this time I think I now deserve the truth."<p>

"You already heard the truth–"

"Bullshit."

Logan kept driving in silence for a while, feeling how Julian's eyes were digging a hole on his temple waiting for an answer. An answer, he realized, he wasn't sure he had. "I did panic about us," he stopped but Julian's silence encouraged him to keep going. "But I mostly panicked because I knew I'd eventually fuck everything up. And, you know, before you were there to help me with my boyfriends but then…_you _were my boyfriend so if I fucked it up with you…." He didn't know how to finish that sentence for it was the first time he'd said it out loud and to other one but himself. When the silence became uncomfortable Logan turned to look at Julian who was staring at him dumbfounded, and winced. "Please say something."

The first thing he got after a couple more seconds of silence was a punch in the arm.

"Ow! Julian!"

"You fucking dickhead!" Another punch. "That was your fucking reason for breaking up with me?" Punch. "You didn't," punch, "have a," punch, "fucking," punch, "savior anymore?"

Logan managed to catch Julian's wrist when he went for the final blow and held it while still trying to drive at 80 mph on the highway. "It is called growing the fuck up, Logan! Taking responsibility for your actions." He freed himself from Logan's grip and scowled. "You can't depend on somebody else to help you clean up your mess. And if you would've wanted this –_us,_" he made a frantic movement with his hand in the space between them "to work out, you would've at least _tried._"

There was another silence. Logan squeezed the steering wheel in distress but didn't bring himself up to look at the brunet. "It wasn't… I was trying to save you from myself as well."

"Oh, gee," he deadpanned, "aren't you so full of shit…"

He took the airport exit and slowed down a little. "We were a bomb ready to explode, you know that."

"No, actually," Julian turned and both held each other's gazes until Logan broke it to focus on the road. "I thought I'd found happiness with you."

"And how long do you think that'd last? Until I stop taking my meds, until I have a rage fit, until you go away for months to god knows where, until you realize I wasn't worth the shot–?"

"Stop. Stop saying that…" he shook his head. "Yeah, we were going against the odds. There were a million reasons for us to not be together but we could've done it. I was willing to fight for what we had."

"It's not like I wasn't, Jules." Another red light. They were close. "I wanted too, more than anything. I didn't want you to be just my friend anymore." He looked down at his lap and frowned, feeling a lump in his throat. "I asked you out, I was taking my meds, I was going to therapy, I wanted this to work because I thought you were the One, you know?" He turned at him and smiled sadly, Julian kept quiet. "Capital O, _One_. I loved you that much."

The light turned green and it took Logan a while to get the car back on track.

"And just when I realized how much I loved you," they passed a sign that read _Airport - 5 miles _and he knew they would never finish that conversation. "I also realized that I'd be nothing but a constant threat to our relationship."

"You don't know that…"

Ten years ago, Logan had heard the same tone on Julian's last _I love you_. Broken, sincere, hopeful, defeated… -everything that made Julian Larson Armstrong _Jules_. The person behind the mask, the actor tired of acting, the guy who had let his walls down for Logan to really know him.

Broken, sincere, defeated yet still hopeful Julian Larson Armstrong.

"Oh, but I do. I'd fuck it up because that's what I do, I sabotage myself when things are going swell and I would've dragged you into that hole with me eventually. I couldn't do that to you, Jules. I couldn't make you stay because I loved you that much. One morning it just hit me, you know?" They were at the gates now and it was hard for Julian to see anything but blurry lights. Logan cleared up the lump in his throat. "You were my capital O, _One_. The person I'd do anything to see happy. And so I did. It took me weeks to realize that I had to break you one last time for you to hate me. Because if you hated me, I'd be surely out of your life for good and you could get the happiness you deserved, and I'd be happy because you were out there with someone else that would never hurt you the way I did or would've done…"

"Logan…"

He smiled and looked down at his lap. "Of course that last part didn't come out as planned…"

"Lo…"

"We're here."

He said nothing in response and then blinked at the sound of the doors unlocking. "I'm taking responsibility from my actions now. I'm trying to get _at least _this right. I've literally drove you to your happiness, which is your family; not me –not anymore. So I'm begging you to walk away from me and get that happiness back. I'll promise I'll be happy for you… you know, eventually."

Logan smiled and Julian smiled back, a tear running down his cheek. He nodded, opened the door and before getting out he looked at Logan one last time. "You were my capital O, _One _too."

"Go before I regret this whole growing up thing."

Julian closed the door behind him and Logan looked at him run until he got lost in the mass of people coming and going. Oblivious to what had happened inside a car, oblivious of the guy who had let the love of his life go twice in his life. Oblivious of the pain in Logan's hand after having punched the window over and over again. Oblivious of everything but their comings and goings and their own stories…

Most importantly, they remained oblivious of how, after almost twenty-five minutes, someone knocked slightly that same window and Logan froze for an instant before fumbling with the lock and stepping down the car to examine him, to know that this was happening, that Julian -_Jules_ was standing in front of him with huge eyes and smiling sheepishly at him.

Neither of them knew what to say next.

"On a scale of one to ten how inappropriate would be if I kiss you right now?"

Julian blinked at the question, dipped his chin to his chest and let out a long breath. After considering, he nodded and smiled at the floor. "Eleven."

"Figured."

"Divorce's still on." He raised his head and put both hands on his hips, pursing his lips. "She doesn't hate me, she just… Like she said, I need to sort my shit out –no, she didn't actually say 'shit'." Logan nodded and they didn't say anything else for a long time.

"I can't be with you, Logan. I can't be with anyone right now, actually. My life's too fucked up at the moment as you can see."

"Yeah…" Logan looked down and smiled to himself. "The fifth time I punched the window I realized that. I think I need to work on myself too –I mean," he ran a hand through his hair and shrugged, "breaking up a family just so I can get my ex back clearly reveals that I have issues."

They both shared a short laugh. Julian leaned back on the car next to Logan's and put his hands on his pockets, staring down at his feet. Logan pursed his lips, looking at the lights of a plane that was gaining altitude by the second. "I thought we could start over… When I read your name on that list I thought you wanted to start over, that's why I came."

"Good to know," he muttered with a nod. "Marianne was the one that put my name there, actually, I wasn't planning on going…"

He let out a bitter laugh. "That actually explains a lot."

Julian smiled in return. Another silence.

"Need a ride?"

"Nah, I'll just," the actor looked around, shrugging, "I think I'll just take a cab."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Logan got into his car, started it and rolled down the window. "Hey, what's the time limit to apologize for a really bad break up?"

The car was slowly moving backwards, Julian was following the pace of the car and laughed, considering. "Ten years."

"So I still have time?" He chuckled when Julian nodded. The car stopped. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that and for messing up your life again."

He shook his head and shrugged. "We weren't okay, anyway. The only thing that kept us together was Logan."

They didn't look at each other anymore. Julian was looking at the sky, hoping it'd rain. Logan kept his eyes on the road in front of him. "Have a nice life, Your Majesty."

His lips twitched up and he wasn't happy but he would be. He was still convinced broken people deserved happiness and that thought and his hope was the thing that'd keep him going. "Likewise, Princess."

Julian was the first to move. He was walking back to the airport. Logan battled with himself but finally decided not to look at him go. He just drove away.

They didn't see each other for ten months.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Expect the epilogue before November 2nd. On the meantime you can tell me what you think. Or not. It's all up to you.<strong>

**Love,**

**Sandra.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Without further ado, the epilogue.**

* * *

><p>"This is absolutely ridiculous."<p>

Julian checked his phone for the third time in a minute and huffed loudly. He folded his arms across his chest and tapped his foot desperately while looking at the cashier and the other two people before him in line. Don't get him wrong, he was all for nice and chatty baristas that always welcome you with an abnormal smile for seven am on a _Monday_, but there was a limit, and the lady at the head of the line telling the girl in the counter about how she found out yesterday that she was pregnant with a little girl and she didn't know whether she should name her Charlie or Maia and that she wasn't even supposed to have coffee so "_just_ _an orange juice, thank you –hey, what d'you think of Rose?" _was pushing that limit. And Julian couldn't snap because to do so you need to be awake and he hadn't had his coffee yet because the lady was now talking about Charlie or Maia or Rose or Tracy's college fund with the college girl that was, Julian wouldn't be surprised, about to take out a Washington University pamphlet and tell the woman how that was her best choice.

But he was Julian Larson Armstrong, one of Hollywood's most charming actors, and this was his first day of shooting a movie in almost a year. Paparazzi were everywhere looking for him and he wasn't planning on yelling at a twenty-something year old and a pregnant woman on his first day. No, this was his comeback. There was no way he was going to mess this up.

There were already other people behind him, the coffee shop was getting crowded and the streets were slowly coming back to life. The lady finally paid for the orange juice and he was one step closer to his cup of coffee until the blond guy in front of him got a phone call and he decided it'd be wise to take it while still in line and still not having ordered his coffee.

Julian took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head but it was all in vain. "I'm Julian Larson, why am I even waiting in line?" He muttered a bit too loud and looked at his phone one more time.

"Still a primadonna, I see."

The voice sent shivers down his spine and as soon as he was able to, he turned around slowly to meet a pair of green eyes that were looking at him in amusement. "Julian," the guy greeted with a nod.

He didn't need coffee anymore. "Logan." He cleared up his throat, stuck out his chest and looked down on him. "Should I call this a coincidence or plain stalking?" A smirk.

Logan laughed and stared at him for a while. Julian hadn't changed since the last time they saw each other but somehow he seemed different. "I've been in Seattle for a couple days now. There's a congress and I'm supposed to speak in twenty minutes but that guy over there is ruining my perfectly fitted schedule." Julian muttered his agreement and watched as Logan walked up to the other blond and shared with him some words before the guy waved him off, asked for a black coffee to go and then threw a ten, still focused on the phone call.

He thought of a million of creative insults to use on that guy but decided against it. Instead, he put on his best smile for a Monday morning and approached the counter where Logan was talking in a hushed tone with the barista. The actor cleared his throat loudly, made his order in less than fifteen seconds –_like normal people _–and saw Logan out of the corner of his eye. "Aren't you gonna order anything?"

"Already did. Thanks for inviting, by the way." After a second, he couldn't help but smile and shake his head at the blond while handing his credit card to the girl who was pretending her excitement was because she loved working on Monday mornings and not because Julian Larson was standing in front of her. After he paid for his coffee and Logan's they walked to a side in silence and stood there until their orders were ready.

"Listen, I have to… –"

"Yeah, me…–" And they stared awkwardly at the door.

Julian chuckled and was about to say something until he realized Logan was already waiting for him with the door open. He gulped back his words, stepped outside and said goodbye to Logan with a nod, turning to the opposite way the blond was heading.

Five steps later something made him stop, turn and frown.

"You know, I paid your coffee." He called out loud and Logan stopped too and faced him with a curious look. "It is only fair for you to pay for my dinner, say, tonight?"

Nothing was more mesmerizing than Logan's mischievous eyes and smile. He walked up to the brunet, pursed his lips looking amused and let out a long breath. "Fair enough. For a five-dollar coffee," he regarded at the Styrofoam cup in consideration, "we can go to Burger King, how 'bout that?"

He rolled his eyes in response. "How about a fancy place and then I'll pay the difference with a less fancy place another time?"

Logan tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "Julian Larson, are you asking me out on, not just one, but _two_ dates?" Julian narrowed his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.

"A chance of a lifetime, take it or leave it. I'm staying at the Westin."

They stood in silence for a while unaware of the people and the noises and the time that was passing though.

"I'll pick you up at eight."

And he was there at eight o'clock.

Julian made him wait fifteen minutes.

But it was worth it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart to every single one of you that has even considered reading this fic that has cost me blood and tears and a lot of feels. Also, a shoutout to my lovelydovely beta Chiara who is djhbfoduhfodumrmw and I love her for being with me whenever I needed someone. That's it, folks. I finished this story and I still have 19 for a couple more hours so I feel accomplished. Thank you so so much if you're reading this. I love you all. Have a really fantastic life, my dears.<strong>

**Sandra.**


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